NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)

For those of you who want to learn a little more about me, here's an interesting fact: I'm a craigslist addict. I love craigslist. About 90% of my apartment was furnished by craigslist. Even today, I would click around to see what random items random people are posting in random cities.

I came across this interesting ad in Seattle, WA and felt I must share it with the world. It gave me a good laugh for about 30 minutes at work. Hilarious. I always appreciate wit and good writing. I'd totally contact this person just to meet him. Enjoy!

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Date: 2008-11-19, 10:04PM MST

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.

have yourself a merry little christmas

I have yet to start my Christmas shopping. I don't even know where to begin. Gosh. I'm in such a bind this year.

I went to a couple holiday parties this past weekend. The first one was with SweetNSour, and her company threw a casino-themed dinner. It was so fun! I played craps for the first time and totally got addicted to it. I was hesitant to play at first because I felt I should save my beginner's luck for Vegas. Anyway, I didn't want to miss an opportunity to learn, and after that night, I can safely say that I understand how easily people fall into gambling. It moves so fast and it's hard to keep track of how much money you have because you keep thinking, "Okay, I'll win it all back in this next roll." We traded in our chips for tickets to put in the raffle. The prizes were really good, and we thought we had a good shot, but we didn't win. Dangit. Oh well. It was a lot of fun nevertheless.

The second party I went to was practically a wedding reception. It was in a ballroom at the Hilton hotel, there was a live band, and there was food/alcohol served all night. Pretty grandiose. There were tons of people there. From jeans to prom dresses, there was qute a diverse group of people. I walked in with my friend, and he wanted to check into his hotel room before we entered the party. We walked up, and the concierge took a look at both of us before saying, "We upgraded your room, sir." My friend and I looked at each other in astonishment and were like, "Awesome, thanks!" Initially, a room with two queen beds was reserved in case I stayed over due to a night of drunken debauchery. However, my parents were in the vicinity, and I asked that they pick me up instead since we had to wake up early the next morning for my grandpa's 80th birthday.

Anyway, after my own company dinner last Wednesday (of which I will not post about - partly because it's beyond blog-worthy embarrassing and partly because I don't remember at all the rest of the night), I knew to limit myself to one or two wine glasses. Tops. We got the key and went upstairs to check out the room. We walked all the way to the end of the hall, and I kept cracking jokes about how they wanted to keep him away from the rest of the guests. Finally after reaching the end, I remember saying, "Wow! Corner suite! Nice!" We walked in, and there was one king size bed smack dab in the center of the room. We stood there for a moment in confusion, and then my friend said, "Uhh.. good thing you're going home because this could've been really awkward."

We wondered how he got "upgraded" from two queen sized beds to one king sized one. In the end, we figured the concierge was trying to help us out by getting us the honeymoon suite. I was surprised there were no balloons or rose petals leading up to a bubble bath in the restroom. Hahaha. Oh man. It was funny.

Both parties were good times. I love the holidays. Thanks, friends, for thinking of me when you were looking for company. I hope you had as much fun as I did. <3

moving on up

Tomorrow is the big move to the new building. I started at this company over two years ago, and I was one of three people in our office. The corporate office is in Santa Monica, but they opened a new office here in August of 2006. Since then, the CEO had bought a prime piece of real estate and started construction on this phenomenal building. It's quite the eye-catcher. We finally will be moving into this beautiful piece of architecture on Monday.

This week, I've been packing up my things, dusting off the desk, and saying my goodbyes to friends I've made here in the past couple of years. While I'm excited about the new building, saying farewell to people you've been seeing every day for a number of years is never easy. I'm sad to be leaving them.

Anyway, it's been pretty busy at work with all the moving. I'm so not cut out for manual labor, but it has to be done. It'll be like moving from middle school to high school. I'll have to learn where all my friends will be sitting, where the bathrooms are... new desk, new cafeteria, new everythings. And my desk? Why, on the penthouse floor right next to the window that faces the skyline of Austin, of course. What's nice is that I'm totally serious.

I love my job.

gratitude should always be expressed in verse

I started off my Monday morning the same as usual: tired and unwilling to work. Hahaha.. I guess that's pretty much how every morning of mine goes. However today, I was pleasantly greeted by an interesting email from a friend here at work. She took off work last Friday to go to the Gators game, and I helped her out with some stuff while she was gone. She’s such an unusual person. In a good way. I don’t think I’ve met anyone else quite like her, but her happiness and optimism reminds me a lot of how I used to be. I love this about her. I feel that once I get back to being on track, we’re going to become really close friends.
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From: Kimsey
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008 8:03 AM
To: Janice
Subject: RE: Contract Approval Scan

I would like to express my gratitude for you in a poem. Please enjoy (and/or laugh)

A poem for Janice:
Why are you so kind?
Always, with others on your mind
A selfless friend to the end
My gratitude to extend

A pretty face
With such grace
So much more grace than the rest
I tell you Janice, you are the best

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From: Janice
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2008 9:10 AM
To: Kimsey
Subject: RE: Contract Approval Scan

On the Contrary (a poem for Kimsey)

You need not say
Another word
For your own kindness
Is much deserved
Of cheers and laud
From knights and kings
And merry little elves
Among other things
So e’er you need
Another favor
Kimsey, dear friend
My pleasure shan’t waver.

the holiday

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wondering what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long "all that" may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade."

does this muumuu make me look fat?

I went shopping with Nurse this past weekend on Black Friday. Speaking of Black Friday, I read that despite our economic turmoil, people spent more money this year than they did last year! That means, people have money - they're just scared to spend it! This is good news. I was hoping the following Monday would be a good day for the market, but then I read on December 1st, the National Bureau of Economic Research declared officially that the U.S. is in a recession. Freaking great. Should I start job hunting now?

Anyway, I digress. Last Friday, I went shopping with Nurse. We were in the fitting room of BCBG waiting for an open room. Lucky for us - it is prom dress season.

Crowds of little girls were flurrying about in the fitting room asking each other their opinions on various dresses. It was like Tyra Bank's Project Runway and MTV's Sweet Sixteen Gone Wild! What's annoying about these fitting rooms were that they all faced a wall of mirrors. No floor length mirror inside the room at all. Brilliant. You have to open the door and use the mirrored walls so that you (and everyone else in the hall) can examine your outfit. As Nurse and I waited, we couldn't help but eavesdrop.

There's nothing more entertaining than listening in on a bunch of shallow and egotistic girls critiquing each other. It's definitely a secret guilty pleasure for all females. The ugly is very appealing for some reason. We shrink from terror, yet we can't manage to get ourselves to look away. There's a devilish fascination behind it. Somehow, we extract pleasure from horror. (I've kindly added the whispering comments Nurse and I made in parentheses.)

A bigger than average girl wearing a lavender colored gown fit to make Ellen Degeneres look like a drag prom queen and asking her tiny friend:
"How's this dress? Are my hips too big in it?" (Everything's too big in it!) Her friend replies, "Nooo, I like it a lot! It looks great." (She should not be wearing that. If that were a good friend, she would definitely veto that idea. Oh right, her friend definitely looked better in it. I agree, yes.)

A squinty-eyed girl with poofy hair asking her sister about a tight pink short length dress that had an extra piece of fabric sticking out diagonally in the chestal region as if to catch the falling crumbs of an hors d'oeuvres snack:
"What do you think? Is it better than the red one?" (Dude, where are her glasses? Why's she squinting? Can't she see herself? Dear Lord, please tell me she can see herself!) Her sister replies while staring curiously at the oddly shaped top, "No, no, I definitely like this one better." (Really? She looks like an alien! Why? Why would anyone do that to a perfectly cute dress? That was unnecessary and totally unflattering. Next dress please.)

An tiny Asian girl probably around her mid teens shops with her friend and mom. She's trying on an adorable white and tan haltered dress that was probably a size 00:
"Well mom, is this one alright?" (Wow, she's tiny! Is she old enough to be shopping here?) Her friend, of course, says, "I think it's cute. You should totally get it." (I dunno... she might be able to pull it off with some alterations... maybe...) The mom examines the girl by making her turn around in circles about three times, contemplating on what to tell her daughter, and then finally decides to say, "No" and shakes her head in disapproval. (Good job, mom. Way to observe that the halter is too unflattering on her because she still lacks the means to support that kind of dress.)

Seriously, girls. When you're suffocating yourself trying to squeeze out of a dress, it's a no. When you're brighter than the spring flowers of a Tim Burton film and not going to a costume party, then it's a no. When you're constantly having to pat down certain areas of the dress and pull down the bottom of the skirt, it's a no. And when you're sucking everything in with your life because one little exhale may cause an explosion of silk, satin, and cotton everywhere... need I say more?

To Nurse and friends - if I ever look that bad in something, please spare me the embarrassment and tell me the truth. The truth hurts, but it's better than a festering lie that can quite possibly cost me my job and, worst of all, my pride. Sure, I've gained some weight. Let's face it. Aging is a bitch. Metabolism doesn't get any faster with time. But trust me, it's for the good of mankind.

When people ask their friends, "What do you think about this dress?" what kind of response are they looking for exactly? If you doubt yourself, shouldn't that be reason enough not to get the outfit? Or are you just fishing for compliments?

I mean, there's no need to get ugly about it. There are times when sugarcoating is appreciated, and there are times when it's just best to lay it all out there. "Let's up it a size, shall we?" Or, "I don't think this dress is really flattering on you." Or, "maybe we should go to a different store." And in extreme cases, four simple words will do, "Oh. Dear. God. No."

Thank you in advance.

time and punishment

Time, you little vixen. You've tricked me again.

Everyone always tells me I need more of you. But how much more can I take whenever everyone else wants you to themselves? You are a fickle angel. One minute you move too slow, and the next minute you're much too fast. They say you heal all wounds, yet it seems the more I endure of you, my heart beats with increasing pain.

He tells me he can't be with me because he needs you. He always says he doesn't have enough of you to share with me. Poor little Time. Always the scapegoat, aren't you? Always the third wheel. It's so easy to take the blame since we can't see or touch you. We can only fathom the ghostly traces you leave behind.

You devil, Time. You'll be the death of me.

Nevertheless, I will wait. I will wait for you.

When will it all end?

Only you can tell.

waking up

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."

uncomfort food

Thanksgiving was great. Yesterday, I was starting to think that Thanksgiving is going to bump Christmas off as my favorite holiday. Crazy, right?? I never thought this was possible. The reason is because during Thanksgiving, everyone is home, and there's nothing but good family fun with lots of food. There's no pressure behind anything. You don't have to worry about buying gifts for people and stressing over whether they'll like it or not. There's no holiday shopping frenzy. And the weather is just mildly cold.

I ate so much food. Not only did I eat a lot, but I ate way too fast. It felt like a big rock of food was passing through my system. I was in so much pain with my food baby. I felt like I was drunk off food. Without one ounce of liquor in my system, I couldn't get up, I wanted to fall asleep, I could barely keep my eyes open, and focusing was a physical impossibility. It was awful. I had never felt that disgusting or uncomfortable in my life.

I managed to get up and stumble to the bathroom. My sister was in there, and I had to wait as patient as I could for her to get out. I waited for about 10 minutes before knocking on the door and telling her to hurry up. While she was washing her hands, I barged in and locked her in there with me. For a minute, I thought about regurgitating my food, but I didn't have my toothbrush, and I didn't want to have that gross taste of acid and greenbean casserole in my mouth. My sister left, so I just sat on the john. I tried to focus on something else... anything... in order to transfer my attention away from the dreadful pain in my stomach. Twenty minutes of sweat and tears later, the pain subsided to a bearable stage, and I felt okay to get up and walk around again. Forget about Bill Cosby and the kids, I dropped off the entire Rockets team at the pool.

My grandma's house has this ghetto toilet where if you throw even one piece of toilet paper in, it will clog. No doubt. So, I cleaned up, flushed, and washed my hands twice with soap. Then, I hear a funny noise coming from the plumbing system. I look down, and everything was still there. "Shit," I thought. Literally. I closed the lid and searched frantically around the bathroom for something to fix the problem. Of course, I find nothing.

Quickly, I walked outside to look for help. I brushed through the crowd of relatives wondering who would be able to help me without exposing this scandal to the entire family. Finally, I spotted my grandpa. Good ol' grandpa!! He's at the stage in life where nothing is embarrassing anymore! This was great! Plus, he'll know what I need to do. This was his house after all, so who would be a better advisor? Plus, he was by himself. Perfect! His hands were wrapped behind his back, and he was waddling around in his house slippers, fleece vest, and oversized beanie hat observing all his children and grandchildren. He is so cute.

I quietly slipped beside him and whispered, "Grandpa, where's your plunger?"

"Huh? What did you say?" he asked.

"Your plunger. Where is it?"

"What??" he repeated, cupping his right hand to his ear.

"I clogged the toilet. I need to find the PLUNGER."

"I can't hear you."

"I NEED THE PLUNGER!"

Everyone stopped, turned around, looked at me, and burst into laughter.

Good ol' grandpa. Sure enough. He didn't make fun of me or anything. He had a straight, innocent look on his face just as I thought he would, oblivious to the chaos around us, and simply said, "Oh! The plunger is outside. Follow me."

As I walked grudgingly behind him, my cousins were laughing and pointing at me, and my head was hung down with shame and humiliation. There really was nothing I could say to ease the situation.

Grandpa got me the plunger and even offered to help. Kill me now.

Good job, Christmas. You are still number one. Don't worry, Thanksgiving. You are still... dare I say it?... number two.

it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Sure enough, this past weekend was a time of drunken debauchery and carefree rendezvouses. I love my friends so much, and not a day goes by that I don't talk to at least one of them. I'm so fortunate. Seeing everyone together brought back so many memories of our college pasttime. Good times.

There was a point when I looked around and saw friends clinking their glasses together, friends hugging with their arms wrapped around each other, people laughing, people smiling, and for some reason, all I could think of was, "I wish he was here." I texted him that I missed him. I know. I know. I can hear half of you right now screaming at me, "Whyyy!???"

Why not? If I don't tell him anything, it hurts. I do tell him something, and it still hurts the same. I might as well tell him the truth about how I feel. I know there are a million reasons why I shouldn't, but there are a million and one reasons why I feel I should.

Naturally, we go into a text war Saturday night. In the end, he texts, "You can't keep hanging on. There's great guys out there." Let's just stab my heart now and get this over with, shall we?

I waited, and I don't hear back from him. I started to wonder if I ever would.

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She doesn't hear from him for the next couple days. And then two nights later, she sees those familiar yet distant numbers on her phone.

Of course, she picks up.

They start off with small talk. He goes on to ask what's wrong and why she's still acting this way. He tries to get her to see his perspective by asking, "What would happen if I moved to Chicago? California? Where will you be in the next year?" They went around and around in circles arguing why they should and shouldn't be together. He says it can't work. She promises it can. This is how it's always been. She the optimist, and he the cynic. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Finally, they tire, and it gets quiet.

She sniffs back her tears. She swears she can hear him smile.

He whispers, "I miss you." Words that never cease to sting her heart with nostalgia. For a tenth of a second, a ray of hope shines down on her. And then he adds, "But... "

As expected, the light vanishes, and she is in her dark room alone again.

"... we just can't be together right now. If you knew who I've become, you wouldn't even love me anymore."

She pleads, "Yes, you've changed. So have I. We've both changed, and it's okay. But I know your heart is still the same."

He scoffs, "That's what's changed the most! If only you knew, you wouldn't love me the same way."

Perplexed and frightened, she asks, "What do you mean? Are you saying you don't love me anymore?"

Hesitating, he takes a while to answer. Her heartbeats increase with each second of anticipation.

Finally, he sighs, "My heart is just broken. It's all over the place right now."

She frowns and with every breath of truth behind her, she says, "I'm so sorry." If only he knew the lengths she would go to prove it.

He laughs to himself, and says, "No, that's not what I mean...

...you have the only good part left."

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So what happens now?

i'm off like an airplane

Have you ever been so excited to the point where you can't even express it or think about anything because it's so overwhelming? I'm so anxious about tomorrow and this weekend that I think I've become numb. My heart beats so fast, and I can hardly wait. My mind has gone blank. I must be going into shock.

Leaving work early to start my three-day weekend. Updates next week. Here I go.

edward cullen is my life now

After months of patience, anxiety, and high anticipation, tomorrow I will finally get to see Edward on the big screen. "Twilight," in case you've been living under a rock or have missed my many posts on this highly entertaining and addicting series, will hit theatres tomorrow. Oh. My. Gosh.. I'm so excited and shaken about it that I'm going to pee my pants. I'm going to seriously pee in my pants. I have been telling people that the more I think about it, the more my heart starts to beat frantically, my hands shake, and tears start to well up in my eyes. It's ridiculous and, I will admit, a little pathetic.

I'm thinking of taking the day off tomorrow. I have lots to prepare for the weekend. BHF (Big Happy Family.. my close group of friends that I'm always raving about) are coming into town tomorrow. I simply cannot wait. It's going to be such an exciting and fun weekend. I hope all goes well. We're going to have our annual Thanksgiving Potluck together. I'm totally in need of a BHF fix. I miss all of them so much.

Ahhh Edward Cullen!

So I talked to Summer Towel a couple days ago, and he called me his "professional friend." I think the term defines someone who knows you really well and who knows what to do and what to say given any situation. A good friend, basically. Someone who is genuinely a great friend to many people can be termed a "professional friend." I kind of like that. I started to think of who my professional friends are.

There is going to be so much food this weekend. Geez, I can't wait!!! I love Edward.

I can't imagine my life without BHF. Or Edward. Despite all the stress, I'm in such a loving mood right now.

Edward has undoubtedly ruined me for mortal men.

i miss you most at christmas time

Walmart has officially brought out their holiday decor. The Trail of Lights is being set up at Zilker Park. The nights are getting colder. The time is getting closer.

Pictures of him still hang in my room. Almost like he never left. As if he was just on an extended vacation. What am I waiting for?

I hate Sundays. I'd take Mondays over Sundays any day.

Every other season comes along, and I'm alright. But then I miss him most at Christmas time.

Yes, I was just expecting you. Right on time as always. Hello, holiday blues. Welcome home.

cause you're there for me too

Soulmate has no computer or TV. I feel sad for her. What would I do without an outlet to the outside world? Then, she tells me about a rapist that follows Asian women home at Union Square. Wtf? Does she want to give me a heart attack? I worry about her so much like she's my own child. She's going to be the death of me one day.

I had a talk with Summer Towel yesterday about the value of friendship. We've only become friends recently, and yet I feel like he really understands how I think and how I feel. I don't mean that in an I-think-I've-found-the-one kind of way. I mean it in a purely platonic, curious, and intriguing way. What is strange and sometimes shocking is that he will say the things that speed through my head out loud. It's like I have a million thoughts a second running through, and he somehow manages to find one and pulls it out of the traffic. When he does that, it interrupts my train of thought, and I'm like, "Whoooa.. how did you do that?" I feel like no one (of the opposite sex) has ever really comprehended the way I think. Not that it's complex by any means, but just that it's uncontrollable, stressful, and chaotic. He sees this and explains to me how his crazy mind works. Strangely, I understand him, too. Everyone is crazy, but there's just something.. different.. I feel.. about the way my outlook is on everything. I have an inexplicable connection with him that I have never come across with anyone else before. I think there is great potential here for a long-term friendship, and I hope he feels the same about me. We'll see how it goes.

We discussed how there are very few friends you can truly rely on. For him, he's been unlucky in finding many. For me, I'm so fortunate to have more than a handful. Of course, more than half of my truest friends are my cousins, but I can safely name five friends off the top of my head that I would bestow my life to. Thinking about them makes my heart warm and fuzzy. I don't know what I'd ever do without them.

Do you ever feel like you're walking in a dream when you're awake? Right now, I'm running on 8 hours of sleep in two days. My eyes are open, and I'm working mechanically, but it feels like I'm in a daze and I'm watching this computer monitor through someone else's body. It's strange. I need more sleep. I hope this blog made sense. If it didn't, you can blame Summer Towel. It's amazing how deep conversations can get at 3am. I think people are more enlightened when they're half asleep. Discussions about indigo children and the tenth dimension coming soon...

it was the best times...

I'm so incredibly sick. Usually a heavy sleeper, I woke up at least three times last night coughing out my brains. My head hurts, and I'm really tired. This is a time when a boyfriend would come in handy. Damn.

I think that's why I dreamt of him last night. It was such a nice dream. I wish I could remember more of it, but I was distracted so much when I woke up that my memory quickly slipped away. I just remember meeting him somewhere and feeling really happy. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him, and we walked under these autumn trees side by side. There was hesitation, and I wanted to hold his hand, but I refrained. We walked and talked about something, and the orange, red, and gold leaves were falling down on us like rain. Through the gust of wind and heavy leaf fall, he said, "Let's get outta here," quickly grabbed my hand, and we ran. We ran, and I remember there were tears in my eyes, but I was smiling, and the cold wind was being sucked into my lungs.

My alarm went off at 3:00am. Strange. I set it for 7:30am. My phone is so messed up. It is time for a new one. I woke up alone in my room with a dry throat, and I kept coughing even though my neck burned with fire. Immediately, I was reminded of the dream, and pain clenched my heart.

I'm afraid.

Right now, things are okay. I talked to my NY friend after not having spoken for over three days, and I started to wonder if things will be different once she and I find boyfriends... or whatever people call them these days. It's only been a week, and already she's starting to disappear. Same thing goes for another friend of mine who started speaking to a girl. I know it's inevitable, but I think the timing is just bad. Am I being selfish? No, I want all my friends to find happiness and more, but I guess it's just that I feel I'm the person people lean on when everything else in their life fails. I'm glad people can lean on me for support, but sometimes, things get a little too heavy. I don't want to be that back up girl to any friend. I know it should be okay, but I just don't like feeling like a filler. If I'm a good friend, then treat me like a good friend through both the good and bad times in your life. Don't just call me up crying and telling me your depressing stories. What's terrible is that they're the same problems over and over again. What else am I supposed to do? What else am I supposed to say? I give my advice, but if people don't take it, what can I do?

It's just not a good time. I'm scared of being alone again these holidays. I know it's going to happen, but I don't know how to prepare myself for it. What is it about these last two months? My company sent out an email yesterday saying to RSVP to our holiday party with the name of your guest. My guest. I don't even have a guest. Is that what they call them these days?

Usually it wouldn't be a big deal. I hang out with my coworkers all the time. But it's the holidays. And all my peers will be there with their loved ones. And I will show up alone. Couples will flock to me with pity to keep me company and share my conversation. Others will wave me down to come sit at their table with them. Why is this so painful? Why can't I be happy being alone? I was not too long ago. What happened?

I need to shun myself from negativity for a while. Hearing people talk about their triumphs and tragedies of relationships only emphasizes the fact that everyone is seeking one. I wasn't seeking anything, and now I'm wondering if I should.

Probably not. I don't want to move on just yet. I'm too tired.

By the way, Sweet-N-Sour sent me the Twilight Collector's Edition in the mail. Although there has been so much going through my head, this really lifted my spirits, and I just wanted to give a special thank you to her. As I've told her before, she's been there for me for the last 24, almost 25, years now, and I'm so happy she has always been a huge part of my life. Knowing there are terrible things going on in her life, she is the prime example of making the best out of everything. I admire and love her with all my heart. So thank you again for always thinking of me, always being considerate, and always being on my side even when I don't want to hear it.

whoppers

Being a pescetarian, I'm not talking about Burger King's whoppers. I'm talking about the candies. The Original Malted Milk Balls. Isn't that description a little outdated? Sounds so gross. I keep wanting to say Moth Balls. They should really think about changing their slogan.

Anyway, it's 6 days past Halloween, and I still have a crapload of candy. I love candy, but this is ridiculous. I brought it all to work to share the cavities and calories with my peers, but the pile is taking so long to get smaller. I find myself popping whoppers into my mouth every hour or so. I feel sick and gross now. They're not even that good. They're just fun to eat because they pop right out of the wrapper. Kind of like edamame.

That's it! That can be their new slogan. Whoppers: The Fat Girl's Edamame.

the first cut is the deepest

Driving to work today, Sheryl Crow came on the radio, and I never really listened to her lyrics until this morning. I don't know why I decided to pay attention this morning. This song's been out for years.

Anyway, it got me thinking. Am I scarred for life? Am I broken for all future guys? Was she? Millionaire or not, emotions run the same for every woman. That's why music is so powerful.

I wonder why I can't get past it. I wonder why I feel so guilty every time I allow myself to start liking someone new. I feel he's still inside my heart telling me, "Not yet. Wait a little longer." He's still a dominant part of my thoughts. It's kind of 50% him, 44% random, 6% Twilight. (*edit* Ok, I was argued against by some saying my Twilight obsession consists of more than a mere 6%, and sadly, I must agree. Therefore, allow me to rephrase by saying 50% him, 44% Twilight, 6% random. Happy, people?)

As I've mentioned before, they're not painful thoughts anymore. Not really, at least. They're more fond memories. But whatever kind they are, they're still very present. Everything about this town has a link to him. From the stop sign around the corner of my building office to the pencil sitting on my desk at home. It's like, I don't want to forget any of it, but I can't hold onto it either. Is there any way to store these memories in a safe deposit box and bring them out later when I can laugh about the day he packed up his things, told me to never speak to him again, and walked out the door of our apartment? I still have two of his tshirts, socks, and gloves.

Four nights in a row now that I've dreamt of him. Where is a witch doctor when you need one?

girls, girls, and women

A few years ago, the topics of conversation that existed between me and my girlfriends consisted of what party to go to this weekend, which slutty Halloween outfit to wear this year, how difficult finals were going to be, and where's the best place to shop for cute dresses. And now, it's how do you make the best tomato sauce, where's our next trip is going to be, who's getting married next, and what are we going to do for the rest of our lives. In a few more years, I feel it's going to be which park do we want to take our kids to, where do you plan on buying a house, what kind of restaurants are family friendly, and who's husband is more lazy.

It's strange taking a step back and noticing all these changes. We're not old, but we're getting older. It scares me. Am I ready for this? Somehow, I feel like I'm being forced to change my lifestyle. Somehow at some point, I feel I really did just wake up one more morning and thought to myself, "I think it's time to grow up. I think I need to be more responsible now and face the consequences of my actions." I don't see the gradual process that led up to it. I just see the result. When did this happen? When did the focus of our lives change?

Instead of telling my parents, "I think I'll stay in Austin this weekend" to party and hang out with friends, the scenario has been reversed! Now, I can't wait to get home and hang out at my grandparents' house. I'm excited to go to the movies with my parents. I'm not embarrassed to be around them anymore! Haha. In fact, I laugh at how silly I used to be when I was ashamed to just go to the grocery store with my mom because she liked to wear house slippers and bright neon green tshirts. Now, I actually think it's adorable. What's gotten into me?

Barack Obama is going to be our next president. Wow. The world is definitely changing. Change change change. He really pushed and reiterated that belief so much to the point where the American people really believed it. They really believe in him, and I guess I do, too. It's a change for sure already. I'm watching his acceptance speech again, and he's just so darn likeable! I think it's his smile. He is quite the charmer. I feel so patriotic watching all this. This election was so important to me that I felt I had all the power in the world with my vote. I felt like my vote was the one that allowed him to win. I felt like I did that.

Of course, my vote didn't really do anything in Texas. Gosh. Reality is such a bummer. Growing up sucks.

While I do believe in Obama and his potential to be a great leader, I won't be naive and believe he will be able to fulfill all his promises. No politician can do this. No one can please everyone. I'm glad most of America has an open mind for change, but some are just ridiculous. You have the educated voters who researched and truly feel that Obama was the better of the two candidates, and then you have... the idiots. Meet Peggy Joseph.



Wtf, lady!? Yes, I understand you're excited. Yes, I agree it's a great thing that Obama's been voted into the presidency. I know the holidays are coming up fast, but who do you think he is?? Santa Obama? That just because he's going to be president, you can now sit back, relax, and do nothing because the rest of your life is set since you won't have to pay for your gas or mortgage payments anymore? Is this lady for real??? I want to be there when she's sitting in her car in the middle of nowhere with the contents of her entire house jam-packed in the backseat waiting for Superobamaman to come and rescue her. It makes me angry that some people can be such morons.

Well, thanks to these people, Obama sailed through to the White House. I don't know whether to be grateful or terrified. On the brightside, at least more people went out to vote. Maybe more people will realize now how much of a difference we can make as a whole if we unite and vote together. Just please, do your research and vote for the right reasons. We lucked out this time.

no doubt... no time to doubt

Election day is tomorrow. In a little over 24 hours, the fate of our country is going to change.

Schmitty came over today for dinner. I cooked us a little something (sorry for burning it, Schmitty), but I was just so immersed in our conversation. She moved here over a year ago, and at the time, I was struggling through a lot of things. By the time things started to slow down, she had settled into her own crowd here in Austin, and she hasn't been very happy. I blame a lot of it on myself. I wasn't there to show her around and hang out with her. I feel bad that I left her in the hands of someone else, and now she's unhappy here. Then again, who am I to false advertise? Am I happy here myself?

As we conversed, we covered a lot of things. Her current situation at work. Mine. Her state in life. Mine. Her terrible breakup with her exbf. Mine.

It was good to sit down and talk to her. There are so many people that I've been meaning to sit down and talk to. She is one of the sweetest and most genuine people I've met. I wish we could've hung out more earlier. Cest la vie.

In any case, the reason why I'm blogging so late at night is because he called me today. It is so strange because he was a frequent topic of conversation with various friends of mine throughout the day today. After Schmitty left, I got online for a little just to check on some things. I saw that he emailed me. The subject line: Obama 2008. Hmm, strange, I thought. He was probably emailing me to persuade me last minute to vote for McCain or to inform me that he will again be going to the polls despite his lack of interest in politics to cancel out my vote as he did 4 years ago. I still have not forgiven him for that.

The email basically said he wanted to inform me that he'd be voting for Obama tomorrow. Wow. He attached a PDF file of the research he's done and highlighted all the key points. Ha. That's so like him. For me, I didn't need to read "The Economist" to figure out why Obama is a better choice, but I guess whatever works for an adamant republican is fine. I won't argue with that.

I scanned the document wondering what it could possibly have said to make him "switch sides" as he described. I scrolled down and saw all the highlights and notes he made on the side. I fixated on his notes and immediately recognized his handwriting. The scribbles of a doctor, I always thought. Suddenly, I was surprisingly visited by old memories of our college days. Memories I've tucked away for quite some time now. All the exams and classes and late night study sessions. I started thinking about the letters and the cards and the notes he used to write me. Sigh.

It's just one of those days. Just one of those days. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Thank God for friends.

fast forward

It's November! Can you believe it?? If it hadn't been for the weather change and my nephew getting bigger by the hour, I would've never even guessed how much time has passed. My daily routine has become mundane, and I'm striving to pay more attention to the world around me.

Two more months until the end of another year, and three more months until the quarter century mark on my life. Yikes. It's not old, but at the same time, it is. 10 years ago, I was starting high school in a new district. Where will I be 10 years from now? So many people have come in and out of my life. Where are some of them now? I get attached to people so quickly. I hate when I lose a good friend because of distance. It happens, I know. But it doesn't make it any easier. Thinking about it, if I move back home next year, I'll be losing a lot of new friends I've made recently. It hurts my heart just thinking about it already.

In four more years, I'll be celebrating my 10 year reunion with old high school friends. It's nice that I've kept in touch with my old high school group. I don't want to be surprised.

I remember conversing with one of my friends, and she told me that when she meets guys, she fast forwards into the future so fast it's scary. I laughed, but it's true. I do, too! Isn't that terrifying? Am I bordering on insanity or desperation? Either way, it can't be good. I started to like a guy, and he ended it quickly with me because he said he can't see himself marrying me. At first, I was like whoa. But come to think of it, that's probably the most honest answer I've ever gotten from a guy. And the most logical - as scary as that may be. I'm at that point in my life where if I can't see myself marrying someone, then what's the point in dating? For fun? For company?

This leads me into another topic: dating "in an open relationship" (thanks for popularizing that great idea, facebook). I've always been monogamous, so dating multiple people at once isn't really for me. I can hardly handle one person (myself) at a time, and dating one guy is more than enough! How can people handle more than that?? Keep that up, and eventually someone is going to get hurt. It's impossible for everyone to stay emotionally unavailable unless all they're looking for is something physical, in which case, I am also opposed to.

It's amazing how many single girlfriends I have who struggle with baggage or insecurities or commitment. I think I take the trophy on struggling with all three. Hooray. I win.

This weekend will be the first weekend I'm staying in town after 5 weeks of traveling. Geez. My poor car. I need to go shopping for new tires soon.

Funny how I can daydream and picture what my life might be like and what I might be doing 10 years from now, but I can't even begin to imagine what I'm going to do this coming weekend. I can't speak for all girls, but I know I sure am more complicated than I intend to be.

leave a little more (likely less) to the imagination

Happy Halloween Eve! Tomorrow is Halloween, and I plan on trick or treating with the kiddos back home. I'm pysched. I haven't been home for Halloween in a really long time, so it will be fun to trick-or-treat. I hope people will actually give me candy. I mean, I don't get those homes who turn away adults that dress up to trick-or-treat. Since when has there been a law that stated only people under the age of 18 are allowed to knock door to door for candy on October 31? It's absurd that you have to take a child with you to get candy. Sweets should be granted to all of those that make the time and effort to dress up.

Isn't it interesting how people transform into a different person on Halloween? Not only physically, but I mean mentally, too. I am a firm believer of "you think the way you dress." For me, I naturally feel more confident when I'm wearing my work attire. I feel glamorous when I'm wearing evening dresses. I feel cute when I'm wearing my pajamas. Everyone knows that girls on Halloween use this holiday as an excuse to dress like promiscuous harlots, but it's only a charade. That's what Halloween is all about, right? Downtown Austin will be overflown by an ocean of chaos and facades. Girls will most likely be more inclined to make out with a guy in her dominatrix gear, and guys will use their masks and make up to hide what they really look like. Sounds like my kind of party!

Halloween is always a fascinating time of year. Have fun and be safe, everyone! I'm off to find me some sweets. If you're one of those houses that gives out tootsie rolls or peanuts on Halloween, beware.

the times they are a-changin

I love how soulmate and I have nicknames for all the guys we encounter. This makes things easier for when we write entries about them because it keeps their confidentiality. But even when she and I converse, we still refer to them as burrito boy, or MD, or teacher, or rice. I like her idea of not addressing them by their real names until they've become permanent fixtures in our lives. I wonder if we jinx them from the start by doing so.

Thinking about this, it's probably a psychosomatic way of blocking these guys out emotionally while becoming physically involved. Well, sometimes physically involved.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend yesterday about being happy and living the single life. I'm going to call her Purple. Purple was upset at one of her friends because her friend seems to be hanging onto an unhealthy relationship for the sole reason of fear of being alone. Fear of being alone. To me, that is a scary thought. In Purple's opinion, she asked, "What's the big deal?" Her viewpoint on this is that if she can do it, anyone can. I agree. Of course it's possible to be alone. In fact, we were all born single, weren't we? But after we were born, we were showered with love and attention from our parents. Once that love and attention starts to fade, we seek it elsewhere from another person. Some need it more than others.

It's been a long time since I've been single for this length of a time. It's been... what.. one and a half years now since the breakup? But considering the time I was with someone, that's a long time! It was tough leaving a 5-6 year relationship after being dependent on that person for so long. So yes, I understand, being alone is terrifying. I won't disagree with that. On the other hand, what is the big deal about being alone? Eight years ago, I was more than happy being single. I was more than happy being independent. And I was more than happy with the fact that I didn't need anyone in my life. Ever. How did all that change in less than a decade? Most importantly, how do I get back to that frame of thinking?

Like Purple, I feel I'm becoming used to it now. I feel I'm starting to find my little corner to settle into. I'm used to waking up and seeing the other pillow empty. I'm used to going to bed without saying goodnight to anyone. I'm used to having great things or awful things happen to me without reporting it to someone. It's all starting to fall into place. I used to think God was punishing me for doing something awful, and I used to sit around wondering what that awful thing was. What did I do to deserve it? But now, I wonder if God is just testing me. Maybe I'm supposed to go through these trial and errors alone. Maybe I'm supposed to undergo all these hardships in order to grow stronger from them. If this is so, I feel it's working. The more I do things on my own, the better I feel about myself. And when I do fail, it's forced me to find help in those that I love: my family and my close friends. Since the breakup, I've opened my eyes to see a handful of loving people waiting and ready to catch me at any moment. I felt ashamed for taking them for granted but grateful that they were still there waiting for me.

The holidays are quickly approaching. This time of year last year was the toughest for me. Two weeks from now will be my blog's one year anniversary. After re-reading some old entries, I can definitely see the progress I've made. Instead of sitting around alone crying over old pictures and memories, my priorities have shifted to planning events and parties with friends. Instead of wondering what I could've, should've, would've done for him, I'm planning what kind of gifts and surprises I can give to my family. In just a year, I feel dramatic changes have taken place. I have a new nephew. My oldest girl cousin just got married. I am closer than ever to my parents. I feel okay visiting old memories of my past. And I know what I want to do next in life.

In just a year, I've grown so much in so many ways. I can only imagine what will happen a year from now. The difference now is that instead of dreading my future, I'm actually really looking forward to it.

home is where the heart is

Have you ever gotten to a point where you thought, "Enough is enough. Something needs to change"? (I can never figure out if the question mark goes inside or outside the quotations. Just one of those things.)

Recently, I've been questioning a lot of things in my life. Major things, that is. I always say I'm overall happy, which I suppose isn't entirely untrue. I am. I'm healthy, right? Sort of. I have great friends (who are mostly in different cities). I have a great family (who lives in another city as well). And I work for a fantastic company (of which I feel I am stuck in). Pros and cons. That's life. So what's missing? Why can't I say I'm happy and fully mean it?

I feel there is nothing left for me in this great city. I don't feel immediate progress in my professional life, and as far as my personal life goes.. well.. it's pretty much nonexistent. I go home, and I come back to an empty apartment. My roommate is always off at her boyfriend's, and my girlfriends are all busy with their own lives. My relationships with my friends have transformed into phone calls. How have I not seen this earlier? What's been making me stay?

I think a large part of it has to do with my emotional tie to him. He's everywhere I look here, and I'm reminded of our past everywhere I go. It used to be painful, but after a while, I grew very accustomed to it. These painful memories grew to be fond ones, and after many tears and much heartache, I've learned to be thankful for everything I've gotten to share with him. I'm so fortunate to have gotten to experience a love as kind and generous as ours. This city is so much more than a culturally-enriched, beautiful, lively place. It was home to us. It was where we had planned the rest of our lives together.

Now that our story has ended, there isn't a need to hold onto him anymore. I've held on for too long now to the point where my hands are burning red. There's nothing left, and I am finally okay with that. The only thing here is my job, and at this point, I feel it can be replaced. It's a great place to work, yes, but I know my capabilities, and I know I will be fine elsewhere. Right now, I feel like I'm needed at home. But most of all, I need my home.

It's time to throw in the towel, suck up my pride, and move on to the next step.

My heart is beating fast just thinking about it.

seriously, how much are leashes?

Yesterday, I got home after a long day at work, and I was completely drained. All the big shots at the company started trickling in for a huge conference this Thursday, so I was giving 110%. Anyway, I was looking forward to a quiet night of rest and relaxation. I walked slowly up the stairs of my complex contemplating on whether or not I should go work out or draw myself a bubble bath. Hmm.. or maybe both.

As I walked up the stairs to the third floor, I heard a dog barking. Gosh, I hate when dogs bark at me even from inside people's apartments. Dogs just don't like me. It's a known fact. Animals in general, I feel, have some sort of conspiracy against me, but dogs in particular sense a certain fear in me that they can't help but try to dominate. Whatever it is, there has yet to be a dog that has not tried to attack me save Buddy and Lady at my parents' home.

So I hear this dog, and as I walk up the stairs, the sound did not seem to grow fainter or closer. The bark was a deep and strong woof, so it was obviously coming from a bigger hound. It sounded like this dog was following me, so I kept looking behind me checking to see if it was on my tail. There was nothing. I ignored it and started fishing for my keys in my purse as I approached the second floor. Almost home...

I climbed the last step to my apartment when I saw my neighbor at the end of the hall come out of his apartment and walk to the other set of stairs at the opposite side. He called out below, "Hey girl! Heeey! Did you enjoy your walk?" I saw the top of a woman's head coming up the stairs, and I quickly thought to myself, "Wtf? I would slap my bf he talked to me like that!"

All of a sudden, this giant of a dog comes charging up the stairs behind her!! The monster spots me and bolts down the hall towards me. As if in one of my dreams, I am too terrified to even scream. All I can get out of my mouth is, "Oh my god. Ohmygod. Omigodomigodomigod. OH MY GOD!!!!"

In slow motion, the enormous animal (I am almost certain it was a labrador... or bear) leapt towards me, and its owner was running behind it trying to catch up screaming, "NooOOoOoooo..."

It really was like one of my nightmares. I stopped breathing. My eyes were tightly shut, and I was bracing myself for a bite on my leg or a big whack on my head when I hit the floor. The dog's nose grazed my thigh when it's owner had caught up to it. "I'm so sorry!" he said. Yeah right. "I'm really sorry. She never does that! It's okay, though. She doesn't bite."

Why do dog owners always say that? Why do they always say their dogs never bite? I can name three instances where dogs have bitten me after their owner promised their dogs have never bitten anyone before. Obviously, those dogs had yet to meet me. Every dog owner says that. "Don't worry. My dog doesn't bite." Uggghhh. If this were true, then no dogs in the world must bite!

I walked into my apartment hyperventilating and clutching my chest. After the owner dragged his dog away, I called out to him, "I'm sorry! I'm just really afraid of dogs." I was so embarrassed, but still, me apologizing to him?!? Clearly, I was not at fault. They can't expect everyone in the world to be animal lovers. And this is coming from an adamant pescetarian.

I wish all dogs could be like my shih tzus at home. All my doggies do is lay around and sleep. They only get excited when someone walks into the house, but don't all dogs? They won't jump on you or anything. They'll just run up to you, wag their tails, and smile expressing how joyous they are that you are home with them. They are so cute. Then, they go back to their room and plop down on their beds. If you ever come visit me, there is no need to be scared of them at all. Trust me, my dogs don't bite.

and the winner is

Picking a seat on an airplane is like playing the lottery. I always hope that I'll end up sitting next to a dreamy guy or a celebrity and that we'll fall hopelessly in love, get married, and live happily ever after just like in the movies. But of course, I live in reality.

On my flight back from New York, I was hoping to sit next to a Wall Street hottie. I was one of the first to board, so I sat there observing the people filing into the plane. When I saw a decent-looking guy, I would say a quick prayer hoping he would sit next to me. Instead, he always managed to sit just a few rows in front or behind me. Sigh. This works the other way around, too. When I saw unattractive guys or women who you just knew would be chatty kathys, I would look away to avoid eye contact as if that would miraculously change their seat assignment. As they pass by, I'd exhale a silent sigh of relief. Whew.

Then, just as I think I'd be lucky enough to not have anyone at all sit next to me (because let's face it, no one next to you equals extra seat space, and I'd take that over a woman who was only too willing to talk my ear off about her pet chihuahua any day), an old, overweight Indian man plops down right beside me. Damn.

He wreaked of body odor (and I'm totally not stereotyping here, but the truth is, this guy was honestly turning heads!). The smell was quite pungent, and it started hurting my head. I reached up and blasted the A/C in hopes that the air would wash the stench away from my nostrils. To make matters worse, he rested his elbows on my only arm rest and throughout the entire flight, he kept stabbing me in the ribs. It was a very uncomfortable ride back home.

I like the window seat, but I wonder if choosing a middle seat would double my chances of a cute guy sitting next to me. Then again, it could double my chances of two annoying people on each side of me as well. Ahhh.. everything in life is a gamble.

i'll be loving you forever...

Ah... to be six years old again. If I kept a diary when I was younger, instead of real entries, it would probably be filled with pages and pages of "JK + JS 4eva."

It was surreal. When I heard early last year that the New Kids on the Block were reuniting, I dismissed it thinking I was going to get my hopes up only to be disappointed again. But... it really happened.

When I was younger, my parents didn't allow me to go to the NKOTB concert with my girl cousins because they said it was too dangerous and that I was too young. I still remember crying my heart out for two nights in a row. I was so angry and upset at them. Eventually, I started to forgive them, but I would never forget. About four years later, the Power Rangers hit it big, and my 7 year old brother was allowed to go to the Power Rangers' concert. Hell broke loose, and I lost it. Since then, I had never let my parents forget what they did to me. After NKOTB disbanded, I thought I had lost my chance forever to see them in concert. It was painfully heartbreaking.

Fifteen years later, there I was standing inside the American Airlines Stadium waiting for the first loves of my life to appear on stage. The lights suddenly go out, and the screens light up. Music starts playing, and then... they were everywhere. Their familiar voices resonated and filled the entire stadium. Everyone frantically searched around wondering where they were going to come out first. Then, Joey McIntyre's voice soared into the sky, and slowly, all five of them, Jordan, Jonathan, Donnie, Joey, and Danny rose from the center of the stage frozen in standstill position. The crowd went absolutely wild. I got chills. I couldn't stand still. My knees were shaking. There they were. Here I was with my girl cousins. It was amazing. I felt like I was 6 years old again listening to them for the first time in my grandparents' garage wearing my hot pink colored Minnie Mouse skirt, my huge framed metal glasses, and my hair crimped and tied to the side of my head. I was in love all over again. I couldn't stop screaming and tears were streaming down my face like waterfalls. I was incredibly shaken with happiness. I took out my old New Kids pillow case from my purse and waved it around like a flag. The entire concert was extremely entertaining and fun.

Most importantly, there he was. Alive and looking very well. They all look so great, but he in particular looked good. I mean, he looked good. Suddenly, I remembered why I was so in love with Jordan Knight in the first place. He was my original JT. He holds a place in my heart that no other celebrity could ever replace. He was the first to sing me love songs and assure me that there is a guy out there that is capable of loving me as much as I want to be loved. I feel like he and I grew up together, and now I'm able to witness him grow into this beautiful man. He is gorgeous. I totally lost it when they came out dressed in all white singing my favorite song.

I want to touch them. Our seats were good, but they could be better. Next year. Next year I'm going to meet them. I just have to. Aaahh... I'm still getting chills just thinking about seeing them.

I'm going to be obsessed with NKOTB for another good couple of weeks. If I was still in college and jobless, I would be on the road right now following their tour bus. Those of you who know me well - know that I'm really not joking. That's the scary part.

two dollar museum tickets, lychee ice cream, and necrophiliac mallards

What do these have in common? They can all be found in New York.

Another successful trip to the big apple has been completed. I was so fortunate to go during a weekend of absolute perfect weather. The sky was clear, and the temperature hung just around the mid 70s. So much happened, but it's always impossible for me to note everything that took place. Here's my breakdown, and trust me, I'm condensing as much as possible:

Thursday
I arrived early to surprise soulmate. Unfortunately, this plan backfired on me. After fighting through crowds, going up and down staircases, carrying a heavy backpack, and tugging along a large suitcase, I was stuck outside her apartment door while she was shopping at a grocery store 6 blocks down the road. After meeting up, I gave her an unenthusiastic, "Surprise..." welcome right before she started scolding me about arriving early and not giving her enough time to clean up her apartment. That's just the kind of relationship we have.

After settling in, we walked down St. Mark's where there are a bunch of little shops, restaurants, and bars. Soulmate's apartment is around the vicinity of NYU, so we were surrounded by cohorts of students. For dinner, we stopped at a small Japanese restaurant that was packed full of people. Our waiter was a very cute Japanese guy who I was hoping would be kind enough to host a couple of Texas girls and show us the night life of the lower east side. After downing a whole bottle of sake and laughing about the trouble we were probably going to get into, we were plotting a way to give our adorable server a number to reach us at. When this was unsuccessful, I just flat out asked him, "Do you know of any places where my friend and I can go dance and party?" To my dismay, he "work all nights - not sure the clubs here." Sigh. What a shame. I'm certain his affection for us was lost in translation somewhere. I couldn't quite make out the last of what he said.

Soon after dinner, we headed over to my cousin's apartment in Astoria to hang out. We stayed with her until close to midnight before heading back home to sleep. Oh, before getting back to the apartment, we stopped by for a slice of pizza at Ray's and pommes fritas. MmMMmmmm.. heart attack...

Friday
We woke up and started our day at the Museum of Natural History. Soulmate wanted so badly to see the planetarium. What's great about NY museums is that you can give however much you want for admission. They give you a suggested donation price, and then you can donate however much you like. Suggested donation price for students: $15. Soulmate asked if I had small bills to pay for the tickets, and I say sure. I walk up to the lady, and she asked how many tickets I wanted. I said, "Two student tickets please." She types into her fancy schmancy museum computer and says, without so much as looking up at me, "Suggested donation price for two student tickets is $30." I slide her $2 across the counter. She finally looks up at me, looks at the two dollars on the counter, and says, "$2 for one ticket?" Confidently, I say, "No, that's for two tickets." She stares at me a little, and I look to the side of me for reassurance from soulmate. To my surprise, soulmate is standing about 10 feet behind me with her face hidden away from view. I tried hard not to keep a straight face because at any second, I was going to burst out laughing. I mean, I think I go to the museum enough times in NY that my contributions in total have probably added up to more than the suggested ticket price! The lady unwillingly hands over the ticket stubs to me, and we walk around the disappointing planetarium for about 30 minutes taking silly pictures and laughing to ourselves at how cheap we must have seemed.

After the Natural History Museum, we walked through Central Park to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Met is by far my favorite museum in New York. I gave $5 (because I don't mind paying a little more here and also because I ran out of ones). The lady didn't heckle me here. We got to see the interesting Jeff Koons exhibit on the rooftop of the museum and enjoy the breathtaking view of the New York skyline. It reminded me of the last time I was there with two of my other girlfriends. We were taking pictures together, and some girl walked by with her guy friends saying, "I wish I had girlfriends to hang out with like that." It made me feel really happy and lucky. Coming up to the rooftop of the Met always gives me that feeling. I've only been there with the people I love most. It's one of my favorite places in the world to be.

When we were done at the Met, we went to have lunch at Serendipity. The wait was nearly 45 minutes long, but it was worth every minute. We tried their famous frozen hot chocolate and shared a delicious pasta dish. The decor of the restaurant was very interesting. I was trying to think of a way to describe it, but I just couldn't. It's like a sophisticated kind of funky style. Haha. Think Betsey Johnson.

Before heading back to the apartment to get ready for the Jason Mraz concert, we stopped by Crumbs Bakery to pick up a few cupcakes. We were told it was comparable to Magnolia Bakery. Sure enough, they were large-sized cakes, and they were indeed delicious. I will have to make it a point to go to Magnolia next time.

Radio City Music Hall was absolutely gorgeous. I was totally ecstatic to be there. The acoustics were phenomenal, the layout of the stadium was grand, and the stage was impressive. I can't even begin to describe Jason Mraz. He is amazing. I was left speechless, and we all know that doesn't happen often. I love him.

Friday night, we ate at Klong Thai Restaurant just a few doors down from that Japanese Restaurant we went to the night before. It was delicious, and my cousin came by with a couple of her friends afterwards. It was nice. We hung out, chilled, talked, and after they went home, soulmate and I lazed around debating on whether or not we should go out. We stayed in but played dress up by seeing who could put together the most tacky outfit. That was a good time.

Saturday
Early Saturday morning, we went to have brunch with the cousins at Flea Market Cafe. It was delicious. The weather was gorgeous yet again, and we walked around the east village going in and out of various vintage stores. There was one particular store that stood out in mind. I forgot the name of it, but when we walked in, there were piles and piles of books and clutter everywhere. The store was cramped, smelled of antiques, and very quiet save for the soft music playing in the background. As we crammed our way to the back where the jewelry was, Amy Winehouse's song "Rehab" started to play. All of a sudden, I hear this raspy, smoker's voice shout out, "They tried to make me go to rehab..." and then it stopped. I was shaken by the voice and curious as to the source! As I made my way deeper into the store, I saw her. She was an old, eccentric-looking lady who if I saw walking down the street probably would have thought her to be a gypsy woman or mental facility escapee. She got up, walked to the front of the store, and continued to randomly blurt out lyrics to the song, but they were not in accordance with the music. It'd be quiet, and then you'd hear, "Uh nooo nooo no..." It was quite terrifying, really. I thought for a split second she may break into a spastic cough and blow up into fumes. For some reason, I felt like I was in Austin again.

After parting with my cousins, soulmate and I went to the Museum of Sex. Enough said, right? That was basically what it was. We were greeted by an African man wearing a suit who opened up the velvet rope gateway upon our entrance. Walking past him, I couldn't help but compare him to Cerberus. He smiled slyly and told us to "enjoy ourselves." I shuddered.

The downstairs portion of the museum was well lit and full of sculptures and interesting facts about animal sexuality. The most disturbing thing I saw here was a tie between an article about a male mallard who "raped" another male mallard that was killed during its attempted escape (homosexual necrophilia was what it was called) and "Panda Porn." I don't think I will ever be able to look at those cute little furry animals the same way ever again. Nor will I be able to with elephants. Or dolphins.

The upstairs portion was the real climax of the museum (no pun intended). People were piled into this dimly lit section huddled around the celebrity porn monitors or how-to videos. I was quite uncomfortable to say the least. Women gathered in circles and giggled together like school girls learning about puberty, and men hid in corners with their arms wrapped closely around their bodies trying to be as discreet as possible in their excitement. One man, however, was not so discreet about it. He was an old Asian man, probably around the age of 50, dressed in all black, and wrapped in a long trench coat. As he stared shamelessly at the projection of "how to perform oral sex simultaneously with your partner," he took out a camcorder and started taping it! People walked by, pointed, smiled, shook their heads, and kept walking. The girls were thinking, "What a sick perv!" and the guys, "What a great idea!" I was pretty much done with the museum after that. I went downstairs to buy my souvenir mug (I like to collect mugs from museums), and I was confronted by my new African friend again. "Did you like what you saw? Are you waiting for your boyfriend now?" My response, "Yes, it was... interesting. Oh, I'm just waiting for my girlfriend." He raised his eyebrow at me, "Oh?" Before I understood what he was implying, I quickly added, "No no no. Hah.. hah.. no she's just a friend I'm visiting in NY." He says, "I see. Why didn't your boyfriend come?" Guys are so shameless. "Oh, I don't have a boyfriend." Ugh. I hate saying those words. He proceeded to make small talk with me, and after soulmate was done looking around, we left, and I did not look back.

At night, my cousin and friends came over, we had a few drinks at the apartment before going out, and then we left to the lower east side. Imagine 6th street in Austin.. but 10 of those in a row. Just streets and streets of bars, clubs, hangouts. It was so much fun. I will not go into detail about this night because 1.) embarrassing happenings took place and 2.) I don't remember the rest of it. With much chagrin, I'll just skip this and go ahead and apologize again to those that I may have woken up in Texas. If it's any consolation, think of it as me attempting to party with you in Texas... but... in New York. Yes? Still, it was a ridiculously fun evening.

Sunday
Geez, what a waste of half the day here. I didn't sleep until 5am, and I woke up around 1pm. Most of the day was gone because I was just too exhausted to even get up to use the bathroom. When we finally got ready to leave the apartment, we went to the Plaza Hotel and got a private tour of the newly renovated hotel. It was gorgeous. We even got to go up to one of the rooms and see what it is like to pay $1000 a night for a stay there. Worth it? I would do it at least once. Staying one night in the Plaza Hotel in New York has officially been added to my things-to-do-before-I-die list.

Later, soulmate and I went on an adventure in hopes of finding a small pizzeria near Central Park. We walked amidst a herd of people observing some sort of parade on 5th Avenue. I couldn't tell what it was. All I heard was, "Te quiero Peru! Te quiero Peru!" being shouted in a megaphone. I was hoping maybe it was the Puerto Rican Day Parade, but I'm not so sure.

We finally found a pizza joint and ordered a box of pizza here. Marion, our pizza guy, told us "he'd-a make us-a special pizza" because we were "two beautiful ladies." Soulmate scoffed at his remark, but I secretly blushed. No matter how cliche he was or how many times he must've said it that day to different women, it still made me smile. As we left, he insisted I tell him my name. I told him my name (I didn't use my pseudo Bella), and he took my hand in his, looked into my eyes, and told me, "I can tell you have a kind soul by your eyes. Whatever man wins your heart is the luckiest man in the world."

I'm not gonna lie. That really made my heart skip for a moment. It's not uncommon for women to be hit on left and right in New York, but for a moment, just a moment, his compliment sounded so genuine and sincere that I almost believed him. Even if it was just for a second, it was still nice to hear.

We walked back to Central Park, found a nice patch of lawn near Heckscher Field, spread out our picnic blanket, and sat and ate pizza. We brought books to read, but we ended up napping until sunset. It was beautiful. The weather was nice, and the scenery was just remarkable. We were facing the skyscrapers of New York City overlooking a baseball field in the park. As we relaxed on the grass, the sun was setting behind the buildings illuminating the sky and reflecting off the glass windows of the buildings. It was so fairytale-like.

We went home after waking from our nap to get ready for dinner. Our reservations were at Southern Hospitality (JT's comfort food restaurant), and we made it there just in time. Although the service was ridiculously slow, the food was good, and the company was even better. I ate with my three cousins, soulmate, and an old NY friend. He drove soulmate and me around after dinner, and we ended up at a karaoke bar called Duet that the girls and I had visited last year. Good memories. Good times. We stayed out until 4am.

Monday
My last day started off a little slow. I was sad to be leaving, but old NY friend called and asked to meet up for lunch in Chinatown before taking off. We ate lunch and had Chinatown Ice Cream out in a small area called Confucius Circle. It was a good way to end the trip. Before I go any further, let me just add that Chinatown Ice Cream may possibly be the most delicious ice cream I have ever had. The flavors range from lychee to red bean to almond to ginger. My mouth is salivating just thinking about it.

After all this, we headed back for me to pack my bags, and I finally headed back home after an exhausting weekend. While I was ready to go home, it was very difficult to say goodbye to New York and to soulmate. Tears streamed down my face as the subway doors closed and she walked away from me. I wiped them away with my scarf only to look up and see a toothless bum staring and smiling at me. Immediately, my sadness was overcome with discomfort and fear. I was sooo ready to go home.

And that's it! That was my trip. My time in New York is always so short-lived. I do so much during my stay but at the same time it's not enough. There's always something to do which is why I love this city.

As I flew away and watched the New York lights fade into the clouds, I was already trying to plan my next trip back. The city is so familiar yet strange to me. So chaotic yet peaceful. So tiring yet energetic. I can't wait to go back.

A special thank you to soulmate for providing me with shelter and laughs, to my cousins who took me out eating and partying, and to my NY friend who never fails to make time to kindly host me and my friends whenever we are in town. I will most definitely see you all again very soon.