Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
three more days... then goodbye dfa
I can't believe it's been nearly four years since I've started at this company. I'll never forget walking into this barren office my first day on the job. Half of the office lights were turned off, all the cubicles were empty, and I was greeted by two other people, who happened to be the only two other employees. I remember thinking, "Have I made a horrible, horrible mistake?"
I was there when they broke ground for the new office. I was there when all the transferees moved from Santa Monica. I met the new hires. I met the clients. I grew close with certain coworkers and their families. And now today, I'm sitting at a desk with one of the best views of the Austin skyline. I work inside one of the most breathtaking buildings in the city, and I'm here with my friends. But, I put in my two weeks notice last week, and my last day is this coming Friday. Again, I'm back to the question, "Have I made a horrible, horrible mistake?"
Yes, it's been a great run. Yes, I've loved my job. And most importantly, I've met really amazing people and became really good friends with them. I will miss that the most. But in the end, that still wasn't not enough to keep my job. In the end, I was miserable. I can't work at a dead-end job just because I love the people here. Maybe it was ok for a while, but after seeing my friends grow, and seeing the company grow, and seeing the entire city grow, I noticed that I wasn't growing. I've grown older, of course, and maybe a little wiser, but I haven't grown in my career, and this is important to me too. Sometimes, you have step back a little to take a bigger leap.
Still, I'm going to miss everyone so much. I know I'll make new friends, but it's still hard to let go. I wish I didn't get attached so easily to people. I wish I could just peel myself off like a mailing label on an envelope. Or just file my feelings away. Har har.
Just earlier, a coworker stopped me earlier in the hall. She told me she is sad I’m leaving. Pretty standard message you tell a person when you discover he/she is leaving a company for whatever reason, right? But then, she gave me a big hug, stepped back, and had tears in her eyes! She’s a cute, fobby Asian lady who moved to Oklahoma from China with her husband and then later moved to Austin a year ago when he got a job here. I’ve talked to her before, but usually it’s just small talk, I thought. Then, she said she was sad when she heard I was moving because I was one of the only people that actually talked to her when she first started at our company. She said I was always really friendly with her, and it made her happy when she saw me because she felt comfortable to talk to me. She said she’s going to miss seeing me around the office.
I was swept with emotion. I gave her another hug and told her thank you. It made me feel good to know that I left a positive mark on this company even if it was just for one person. I mean, a huge reason why I decided to leave was because I felt unappreciated (hence, the last entry). I started feeling like I wasn't making a difference, and ever since I was young, that was what I strived for: to make a difference. This event just goes to prove what I’ve always believed in - that you never know what kind of person you’ll affect – one little gesture can make a huge difference in another person’s life. This is what I love. It's what I breathe for. This was encouraging and motivating, and it reminded me why I want to leave. Even though I've made somewhat of a mark here at the company, I know I have the potential to make a bigger one.
So, goodbye DFA. Thanks for the great times and, I suppose, the bad times, too. Without the cumulative little experiences, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'll miss everyone here. I'll miss Austin period. But I'm so, so excited about the future.
Houston, here I come!
I was there when they broke ground for the new office. I was there when all the transferees moved from Santa Monica. I met the new hires. I met the clients. I grew close with certain coworkers and their families. And now today, I'm sitting at a desk with one of the best views of the Austin skyline. I work inside one of the most breathtaking buildings in the city, and I'm here with my friends. But, I put in my two weeks notice last week, and my last day is this coming Friday. Again, I'm back to the question, "Have I made a horrible, horrible mistake?"
Yes, it's been a great run. Yes, I've loved my job. And most importantly, I've met really amazing people and became really good friends with them. I will miss that the most. But in the end, that still wasn't not enough to keep my job. In the end, I was miserable. I can't work at a dead-end job just because I love the people here. Maybe it was ok for a while, but after seeing my friends grow, and seeing the company grow, and seeing the entire city grow, I noticed that I wasn't growing. I've grown older, of course, and maybe a little wiser, but I haven't grown in my career, and this is important to me too. Sometimes, you have step back a little to take a bigger leap.
Still, I'm going to miss everyone so much. I know I'll make new friends, but it's still hard to let go. I wish I didn't get attached so easily to people. I wish I could just peel myself off like a mailing label on an envelope. Or just file my feelings away. Har har.
Just earlier, a coworker stopped me earlier in the hall. She told me she is sad I’m leaving. Pretty standard message you tell a person when you discover he/she is leaving a company for whatever reason, right? But then, she gave me a big hug, stepped back, and had tears in her eyes! She’s a cute, fobby Asian lady who moved to Oklahoma from China with her husband and then later moved to Austin a year ago when he got a job here. I’ve talked to her before, but usually it’s just small talk, I thought. Then, she said she was sad when she heard I was moving because I was one of the only people that actually talked to her when she first started at our company. She said I was always really friendly with her, and it made her happy when she saw me because she felt comfortable to talk to me. She said she’s going to miss seeing me around the office.
I was swept with emotion. I gave her another hug and told her thank you. It made me feel good to know that I left a positive mark on this company even if it was just for one person. I mean, a huge reason why I decided to leave was because I felt unappreciated (hence, the last entry). I started feeling like I wasn't making a difference, and ever since I was young, that was what I strived for: to make a difference. This event just goes to prove what I’ve always believed in - that you never know what kind of person you’ll affect – one little gesture can make a huge difference in another person’s life. This is what I love. It's what I breathe for. This was encouraging and motivating, and it reminded me why I want to leave. Even though I've made somewhat of a mark here at the company, I know I have the potential to make a bigger one.
So, goodbye DFA. Thanks for the great times and, I suppose, the bad times, too. Without the cumulative little experiences, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'll miss everyone here. I'll miss Austin period. But I'm so, so excited about the future.
Houston, here I come!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
the devil wears christian louboutin
There's a woman that I work with that can be compared to Maleficent or Satan's reincarnate. She's horrifying. To her, the only way is her way, and if you don't abide by her rules, you will be punished. She has eyes bottomless crystal blue eyes, pale skin, and long auburn hair. She speaks in an abrupt, condescending manner. And she has very expensive, yet exquisite taste. Her style is flawless. I hear she has the Nordstrom women's department bring over their new lines of clothing to her office so that she could pick out what she wants. I've never seen her wear anything other than Louboutin shoes.
Once, I crossed her path, and she didn't even flinch to yell at me in front of a group of people at work. We had a conference at work, and she was leaving to the airport. The car service was scheduled to leave at 4:00pm, but I was told to have the driver wait because there was someone else that was to be joining her on her ride to the airport. I kept her waiting outside in a taxi for 5 minutes too long, literally 5 minutes, when she walked back to the building and started yelling at me about how unacceptable it was for her to have to wait when the other person was running late. I told her it was what I was told, and she continued to yell at me. I had to leave to the bathroom to cry. It was awful.
In March, the Chicago office, where the devil woman resides, closed down. Since she brings in millions for the company, they told her she could work from home, but everyone else was let go, including her poor assistant (rather, lucky assistant!). Guess who was left to support her?
Day after day, I would receive calls from this woman. I had assignment after assignment from her. She was always criticizing what I did, and there seemed to be nothing I could do to please her. She gave a whole new meaning to high-maintenance, and I hated her for it. She made my life miserable, and she made me shudder every time I saw her name show up on my phone. If I didn't pick up (which I only tried a couple times before I realized it was actually worse to not pick up), then she would just email me every half hour before I called her back.
Life was getting worse at work. She-devil aside, I was unhappy overall with my position at the company. I decided to study and apply for grad school. Finally, I'm going to do it. I applied last week, and now I'm just going to have to wait and see what happens. Despite my acceptance into school or not, I'm going to move back home to be with my family. Therefore, it's time to say so long to Austin. It's not goodbye, but it may be a long see-you-later. I'm sad to have to close this chapter in my life, but I'm excited about what's ahead. I've been saying for a long time now that it's time for a change.
I put in my two weeks notice last Monday. Slowly, the news is being trickled down through the company. I'm getting more and more calls to meet up for lunch and where I'm going to plan my farewell happy hour. As the reality of it all sinks in, I'm torn between wishing to stay and wanting to leave. Then, I remember the devil woman, and I can't be more adamant about leaving.
Until this morning.
This morning, I got a call from her. 8:47am. She's late today. I was away from my desk but quickly returned her call when I got back. "Good morning, Carol, what can I do for you today?" Surprisingly, this is what she said:
Janice, I just heard the news. I can't believe you're leaving. We only just started working together, but I'm really going to miss you. What do you plan to do after this? Ah, I see. Well, I hope you get into whatever school you want. I am just so sad to hear this. I'm very sad you're leaving, and I hope that the person after you will do just as good of a job. We'll all miss you, but I wish you the very best of luck.
After hanging up, I checked the date to make sure it wasn't April Fool's Day. It wasn't. Oh, I know, I must have died. No, I'm still breathing. I pinched myself. Nope, not a dream either. I sat there, dumbfounded, and I thought and thought and... ooOH MY GOD! THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END! That's gotta be it!!! This is a trick, isn't it??
Her farewell note to me sunk in. Carol thinks I'm doing a good job. Then, why had she been yelling at me this whole time? Maybe despite the hard exterior, she was actually beginning to like me. Maybe? No, not maybe. She did like me. And why shouldn't she? I am a good worker, and the whole reason why I'm quitting is because I haven't been feeling appreciated by my group. I work hard, and it seems like no one is recognizing it. But Carol, she pushed and pushed and pushed me and, in the end, told me I was doing great. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually really like Carol. I hope I didn't just jinx myself, but I think Carol has taught me so much more in the last month than my entire group has taught me in the last four years of working. In my group, politics and favoritism seem to reign. For a long time, it felt like you had to get your head in someone's ass before being promoted. Everyone told me that's just what you have to do. It's part of the "rat race." But I refused to compromise myself. I don't care if that's what "everyone" has to do to get ahead. I'm not like that, and I never plan to be. So, that's a huge reason why I decided to leave. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not and pretend to like a person when I don't just to promote myself. It made me sad to think that the world was like this, but Carol taught me differently. I worked hard for her, and her approval was all I needed. She confirmed to me that hard work does pay off, and it does get appreciated in the end.
So thank you, Carol. You've restored my faith in the corporate world. All this time when I thought you were just a cold-hearted bitch, I realize now that you have to be that way in order to survive in this industry. Thank you for pushing me and telling me I did a good job. Even though you're still a cold-hearted bitch, at least you're not a heartless one, and I appreciate it. I will miss you.
Once, I crossed her path, and she didn't even flinch to yell at me in front of a group of people at work. We had a conference at work, and she was leaving to the airport. The car service was scheduled to leave at 4:00pm, but I was told to have the driver wait because there was someone else that was to be joining her on her ride to the airport. I kept her waiting outside in a taxi for 5 minutes too long, literally 5 minutes, when she walked back to the building and started yelling at me about how unacceptable it was for her to have to wait when the other person was running late. I told her it was what I was told, and she continued to yell at me. I had to leave to the bathroom to cry. It was awful.
In March, the Chicago office, where the devil woman resides, closed down. Since she brings in millions for the company, they told her she could work from home, but everyone else was let go, including her poor assistant (rather, lucky assistant!). Guess who was left to support her?
Day after day, I would receive calls from this woman. I had assignment after assignment from her. She was always criticizing what I did, and there seemed to be nothing I could do to please her. She gave a whole new meaning to high-maintenance, and I hated her for it. She made my life miserable, and she made me shudder every time I saw her name show up on my phone. If I didn't pick up (which I only tried a couple times before I realized it was actually worse to not pick up), then she would just email me every half hour before I called her back.
Life was getting worse at work. She-devil aside, I was unhappy overall with my position at the company. I decided to study and apply for grad school. Finally, I'm going to do it. I applied last week, and now I'm just going to have to wait and see what happens. Despite my acceptance into school or not, I'm going to move back home to be with my family. Therefore, it's time to say so long to Austin. It's not goodbye, but it may be a long see-you-later. I'm sad to have to close this chapter in my life, but I'm excited about what's ahead. I've been saying for a long time now that it's time for a change.
I put in my two weeks notice last Monday. Slowly, the news is being trickled down through the company. I'm getting more and more calls to meet up for lunch and where I'm going to plan my farewell happy hour. As the reality of it all sinks in, I'm torn between wishing to stay and wanting to leave. Then, I remember the devil woman, and I can't be more adamant about leaving.
Until this morning.
This morning, I got a call from her. 8:47am. She's late today. I was away from my desk but quickly returned her call when I got back. "Good morning, Carol, what can I do for you today?" Surprisingly, this is what she said:
Janice, I just heard the news. I can't believe you're leaving. We only just started working together, but I'm really going to miss you. What do you plan to do after this? Ah, I see. Well, I hope you get into whatever school you want. I am just so sad to hear this. I'm very sad you're leaving, and I hope that the person after you will do just as good of a job. We'll all miss you, but I wish you the very best of luck.
After hanging up, I checked the date to make sure it wasn't April Fool's Day. It wasn't. Oh, I know, I must have died. No, I'm still breathing. I pinched myself. Nope, not a dream either. I sat there, dumbfounded, and I thought and thought and... ooOH MY GOD! THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END! That's gotta be it!!! This is a trick, isn't it??
Her farewell note to me sunk in. Carol thinks I'm doing a good job. Then, why had she been yelling at me this whole time? Maybe despite the hard exterior, she was actually beginning to like me. Maybe? No, not maybe. She did like me. And why shouldn't she? I am a good worker, and the whole reason why I'm quitting is because I haven't been feeling appreciated by my group. I work hard, and it seems like no one is recognizing it. But Carol, she pushed and pushed and pushed me and, in the end, told me I was doing great. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually really like Carol. I hope I didn't just jinx myself, but I think Carol has taught me so much more in the last month than my entire group has taught me in the last four years of working. In my group, politics and favoritism seem to reign. For a long time, it felt like you had to get your head in someone's ass before being promoted. Everyone told me that's just what you have to do. It's part of the "rat race." But I refused to compromise myself. I don't care if that's what "everyone" has to do to get ahead. I'm not like that, and I never plan to be. So, that's a huge reason why I decided to leave. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not and pretend to like a person when I don't just to promote myself. It made me sad to think that the world was like this, but Carol taught me differently. I worked hard for her, and her approval was all I needed. She confirmed to me that hard work does pay off, and it does get appreciated in the end.
So thank you, Carol. You've restored my faith in the corporate world. All this time when I thought you were just a cold-hearted bitch, I realize now that you have to be that way in order to survive in this industry. Thank you for pushing me and telling me I did a good job. Even though you're still a cold-hearted bitch, at least you're not a heartless one, and I appreciate it. I will miss you.
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