fast forward

It's November! Can you believe it?? If it hadn't been for the weather change and my nephew getting bigger by the hour, I would've never even guessed how much time has passed. My daily routine has become mundane, and I'm striving to pay more attention to the world around me.

Two more months until the end of another year, and three more months until the quarter century mark on my life. Yikes. It's not old, but at the same time, it is. 10 years ago, I was starting high school in a new district. Where will I be 10 years from now? So many people have come in and out of my life. Where are some of them now? I get attached to people so quickly. I hate when I lose a good friend because of distance. It happens, I know. But it doesn't make it any easier. Thinking about it, if I move back home next year, I'll be losing a lot of new friends I've made recently. It hurts my heart just thinking about it already.

In four more years, I'll be celebrating my 10 year reunion with old high school friends. It's nice that I've kept in touch with my old high school group. I don't want to be surprised.

I remember conversing with one of my friends, and she told me that when she meets guys, she fast forwards into the future so fast it's scary. I laughed, but it's true. I do, too! Isn't that terrifying? Am I bordering on insanity or desperation? Either way, it can't be good. I started to like a guy, and he ended it quickly with me because he said he can't see himself marrying me. At first, I was like whoa. But come to think of it, that's probably the most honest answer I've ever gotten from a guy. And the most logical - as scary as that may be. I'm at that point in my life where if I can't see myself marrying someone, then what's the point in dating? For fun? For company?

This leads me into another topic: dating "in an open relationship" (thanks for popularizing that great idea, facebook). I've always been monogamous, so dating multiple people at once isn't really for me. I can hardly handle one person (myself) at a time, and dating one guy is more than enough! How can people handle more than that?? Keep that up, and eventually someone is going to get hurt. It's impossible for everyone to stay emotionally unavailable unless all they're looking for is something physical, in which case, I am also opposed to.

It's amazing how many single girlfriends I have who struggle with baggage or insecurities or commitment. I think I take the trophy on struggling with all three. Hooray. I win.

This weekend will be the first weekend I'm staying in town after 5 weeks of traveling. Geez. My poor car. I need to go shopping for new tires soon.

Funny how I can daydream and picture what my life might be like and what I might be doing 10 years from now, but I can't even begin to imagine what I'm going to do this coming weekend. I can't speak for all girls, but I know I sure am more complicated than I intend to be.