it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Sure enough, this past weekend was a time of drunken debauchery and carefree rendezvouses. I love my friends so much, and not a day goes by that I don't talk to at least one of them. I'm so fortunate. Seeing everyone together brought back so many memories of our college pasttime. Good times.

There was a point when I looked around and saw friends clinking their glasses together, friends hugging with their arms wrapped around each other, people laughing, people smiling, and for some reason, all I could think of was, "I wish he was here." I texted him that I missed him. I know. I know. I can hear half of you right now screaming at me, "Whyyy!???"

Why not? If I don't tell him anything, it hurts. I do tell him something, and it still hurts the same. I might as well tell him the truth about how I feel. I know there are a million reasons why I shouldn't, but there are a million and one reasons why I feel I should.

Naturally, we go into a text war Saturday night. In the end, he texts, "You can't keep hanging on. There's great guys out there." Let's just stab my heart now and get this over with, shall we?

I waited, and I don't hear back from him. I started to wonder if I ever would.

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She doesn't hear from him for the next couple days. And then two nights later, she sees those familiar yet distant numbers on her phone.

Of course, she picks up.

They start off with small talk. He goes on to ask what's wrong and why she's still acting this way. He tries to get her to see his perspective by asking, "What would happen if I moved to Chicago? California? Where will you be in the next year?" They went around and around in circles arguing why they should and shouldn't be together. He says it can't work. She promises it can. This is how it's always been. She the optimist, and he the cynic. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Finally, they tire, and it gets quiet.

She sniffs back her tears. She swears she can hear him smile.

He whispers, "I miss you." Words that never cease to sting her heart with nostalgia. For a tenth of a second, a ray of hope shines down on her. And then he adds, "But... "

As expected, the light vanishes, and she is in her dark room alone again.

"... we just can't be together right now. If you knew who I've become, you wouldn't even love me anymore."

She pleads, "Yes, you've changed. So have I. We've both changed, and it's okay. But I know your heart is still the same."

He scoffs, "That's what's changed the most! If only you knew, you wouldn't love me the same way."

Perplexed and frightened, she asks, "What do you mean? Are you saying you don't love me anymore?"

Hesitating, he takes a while to answer. Her heartbeats increase with each second of anticipation.

Finally, he sighs, "My heart is just broken. It's all over the place right now."

She frowns and with every breath of truth behind her, she says, "I'm so sorry." If only he knew the lengths she would go to prove it.

He laughs to himself, and says, "No, that's not what I mean...

...you have the only good part left."

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So what happens now?