These are my confessions *cue Usher song*:
1.) I was talking to my dad, and I was this close to asking him to send me flowers to my office on Valentine's Day because one of my favorite things in the world is to receive flowers at work regardless of what time of year it is. It makes me feel special! Then, I realized Valentine's Day is on a Saturday, so it would have been pointless.
2.) When I run, I like to quietly chant, "Skinny... skinny... I'm gonna be skinny..."
3.) I kept two text messages from him since last year as proof to myself. One said, "Lol I do love you." The other said, "Please don't be sad over me. I'll always love you." They were dated last year in February 2008. And now, I can't find either of them since I switched phones. I am really, really sad.
Friday, February 6, 2009
is it "mangos" or "mangoes"?
Just a random question that's been bothering me.
I heard the clip of Captain Sullenberger right before his plan landed in the Hudson River. Chills ran like electricity through my arms when I heard his last statement, "We're gonna be in the Hudson." I can't imagine staying calm in a situation like that. And the air traffic controller?? Forget about it! I would've been freaking out yelling, "WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!? You're going to land in the WATER???!?" Throughout the course of my life (and this just goes to prove my fickle nature), I've wanted to go into a number of different professions. One day teacher, the next day astronaut. It was really troublesome in college. However, I can safely say that I have never wanted to be an air traffic controller or pilot. Thank you, Captain Sullenberger, for reaffirming that decision.
I've become really close (and I'm afraid nearly attached) to someone over the phone. It scares me. From past experiences, whenever this happens, the guy eventually disappears, and the relationship, that closeness, we built is lost. It always saddens me, and I always wonder, "What's the point?" What's the point of sharing your secrets and dreams with someone who you feel will become a huge part of your life when eventually they will leave you too? And, I mean this all in a platonic level. It makes me wonder if guys and girls can really be friends. Like, is it possible for me to ever find a guy who would be really close to me on a friendly/brotherly level even after he gets a gf or even after I get a bf? So far, I'm starting to think it's not.
I really like talking to him. He's a breath of fresh air from the all the seriousness around me. It's possibly because he's a little younger, but it already seems like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. We have fun. He's lively and loud and totally unlike other guys I've talked with on the phone. It's entertaining to me. He's different and unreserved and I like it. I'm really enjoying where we're at in our friendship. I hope it lasts, and I hope he genuinely likes talking to me rather than just using me to pass time until he finds someone else. I'm terrified of this.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. It looks to be a beautiful weekend in Austin. No plans. Just taking it day by day.
I heard the clip of Captain Sullenberger right before his plan landed in the Hudson River. Chills ran like electricity through my arms when I heard his last statement, "We're gonna be in the Hudson." I can't imagine staying calm in a situation like that. And the air traffic controller?? Forget about it! I would've been freaking out yelling, "WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!? You're going to land in the WATER???!?" Throughout the course of my life (and this just goes to prove my fickle nature), I've wanted to go into a number of different professions. One day teacher, the next day astronaut. It was really troublesome in college. However, I can safely say that I have never wanted to be an air traffic controller or pilot. Thank you, Captain Sullenberger, for reaffirming that decision.
I've become really close (and I'm afraid nearly attached) to someone over the phone. It scares me. From past experiences, whenever this happens, the guy eventually disappears, and the relationship, that closeness, we built is lost. It always saddens me, and I always wonder, "What's the point?" What's the point of sharing your secrets and dreams with someone who you feel will become a huge part of your life when eventually they will leave you too? And, I mean this all in a platonic level. It makes me wonder if guys and girls can really be friends. Like, is it possible for me to ever find a guy who would be really close to me on a friendly/brotherly level even after he gets a gf or even after I get a bf? So far, I'm starting to think it's not.
I really like talking to him. He's a breath of fresh air from the all the seriousness around me. It's possibly because he's a little younger, but it already seems like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. We have fun. He's lively and loud and totally unlike other guys I've talked with on the phone. It's entertaining to me. He's different and unreserved and I like it. I'm really enjoying where we're at in our friendship. I hope it lasts, and I hope he genuinely likes talking to me rather than just using me to pass time until he finds someone else. I'm terrified of this.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. It looks to be a beautiful weekend in Austin. No plans. Just taking it day by day.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
when life gives you lemons, just say 'pluck the lemons,' and bail
Sooo... I don't think I got the job at Plucker's. I'm a little sad about it. I suppose it's okay. I know I already have a job, but still, I can't help but feel disappointed. I guess it's not meant to be. This means I may be able to go to Dallas to celebrate my cousin's birthday after all! I suppose you can't have the cake and eat it too. By the way, is everyone familiar with that expression? Because I could've sworn it makes no sense. ;)
Anyway, I'm a little discouraged to apply to more places. It will be hard to work additionally with my schedule, but we'll see what happens. I just need to budget, right?
On another note, Danimal sent me this comic strip and said me it reminded him of me.
I thought it was cute. I think I can name myself a few "statistically significant others."
Valentine's Day is coming up, and I think my plans are more exciting than even some couples' plans! I know everyone gets all grumpy when it comes to this holiday saying, "It's not even a real holiday. It's made up by Hallmark.." blah blah blah... but I LOVE it! I know, I know. I'm too much of a romantic, but I've just had really great Valentine's Days in the past. I have fond memories of it. It does make me sad that I won't get to spend it with a certain someone anymore, but I'm totally and crazy happy that I'll get to spend it with soulmate. She's coming down, and I already have the entire weekend and more planned for us. I can't wait!!!
Anyway, I'm a little discouraged to apply to more places. It will be hard to work additionally with my schedule, but we'll see what happens. I just need to budget, right?
On another note, Danimal sent me this comic strip and said me it reminded him of me.
I thought it was cute. I think I can name myself a few "statistically significant others."
Valentine's Day is coming up, and I think my plans are more exciting than even some couples' plans! I know everyone gets all grumpy when it comes to this holiday saying, "It's not even a real holiday. It's made up by Hallmark.." blah blah blah... but I LOVE it! I know, I know. I'm too much of a romantic, but I've just had really great Valentine's Days in the past. I have fond memories of it. It does make me sad that I won't get to spend it with a certain someone anymore, but I'm totally and crazy happy that I'll get to spend it with soulmate. She's coming down, and I already have the entire weekend and more planned for us. I can't wait!!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
international klutz
I was thinking this morning, and I realized something I feel is a little strange. I've never made an international call in my life. I already get nervous when punching in long numbers over the phone to cable or credit card companies. Something about messing up in the middle of the number without the ability to back track and having to start all over freaks me out. It's like fishing for your wallet in your gigantic purse at the checkout counter with 5 people waiting behind you staring and wondering why you didn't get your money out in the first place. It's nerve-wracking!
At work, we have to dial "9" first, and we received an email earlier this year about people misdialing "9-1-1" to call internationally. Apparently, this happens frequently. It's been a fear of mine since I was young to accidentally dial 911. The serious tone on the other side of the emergency line totally scares the bejeezus out of me.
Just another work fear. My number one fear is accidentally hitting "Reply All" and sending out an excruciatingly embarrassing email to the entire company. I've already slammed into a glass door. What could I possibly do next?
At work, we have to dial "9" first, and we received an email earlier this year about people misdialing "9-1-1" to call internationally. Apparently, this happens frequently. It's been a fear of mine since I was young to accidentally dial 911. The serious tone on the other side of the emergency line totally scares the bejeezus out of me.
Just another work fear. My number one fear is accidentally hitting "Reply All" and sending out an excruciatingly embarrassing email to the entire company. I've already slammed into a glass door. What could I possibly do next?
Friday, January 30, 2009
mother plucker
I'm broke. Not like MC Hammer broke, but more like college student broke. Somehow, I work and work and work, and I can't manage to save as much money as I would like. How is this possible??
2008 was a bad year for me. It was just one thing after another. I don't understand it. My parents keep saying I need to cut back on spending, and I feel like I do, but maybe I just don't see it. I've stopped going out, and despite what they think, I turn down a lot of invitations to go do things. Why is it that it's not enough?
It's like I've sidetracked and can't seem to find my way back on the right path. That seems to be the theme of my life recently. In finances, in relationships, in work. I feel like I'm in a hole and can't dig myself out. I just keep falling deeper and deeper.
Anyway, to help remedy the dilemma, I decided to take on a second job. I suppose I don't necessarily need it, but I think if I could make some extra cash here and there, it would help me a lot. Plus, it'll keep me from going out and spending. In addition, the recession seems to be getting worse, so if I can rake in some side dough to save up, it would come in very handy.
I applied to Plucker's Wing Stop a couple weeks ago. They called me back for an interview, and I went in yesterday. I was a little nervous. I'm not sure why. Sunny D pointed out that I already have a job, so if it didn't work out, no biggie. I suppose that's true, but I guess the thought of being rejected from a buffalo wing joint made me a little uneasy. Overall, I felt it went well, but what do I know? Interviewers have a conniving way of making you feel like you got the job when in actuality, they never even plan on calling you back. We'll see what happens.
Plucker's. Of all places. Don't get me wrong, I love the place. But it's a little ironic seeing as I don't eat meat. I guess that's a good thing. If I did, I'd probably be eating wings every day I work, which would not be good and would totally kill #2 on my list of things to accomplish this year (see previous blog). I'm excited, though. It looks like a fun place to work, and the pace will be a lot different than here at work. I've always wanted to be a waitress, and here is my chance. I'm all about experiencing new things. Hopefully, this all goes as well as it is in my head. Knowing me and my clumsiness, it probably won't. Stay tuned for updates. Wish me luck!
2008 was a bad year for me. It was just one thing after another. I don't understand it. My parents keep saying I need to cut back on spending, and I feel like I do, but maybe I just don't see it. I've stopped going out, and despite what they think, I turn down a lot of invitations to go do things. Why is it that it's not enough?
It's like I've sidetracked and can't seem to find my way back on the right path. That seems to be the theme of my life recently. In finances, in relationships, in work. I feel like I'm in a hole and can't dig myself out. I just keep falling deeper and deeper.
Anyway, to help remedy the dilemma, I decided to take on a second job. I suppose I don't necessarily need it, but I think if I could make some extra cash here and there, it would help me a lot. Plus, it'll keep me from going out and spending. In addition, the recession seems to be getting worse, so if I can rake in some side dough to save up, it would come in very handy.
I applied to Plucker's Wing Stop a couple weeks ago. They called me back for an interview, and I went in yesterday. I was a little nervous. I'm not sure why. Sunny D pointed out that I already have a job, so if it didn't work out, no biggie. I suppose that's true, but I guess the thought of being rejected from a buffalo wing joint made me a little uneasy. Overall, I felt it went well, but what do I know? Interviewers have a conniving way of making you feel like you got the job when in actuality, they never even plan on calling you back. We'll see what happens.
Plucker's. Of all places. Don't get me wrong, I love the place. But it's a little ironic seeing as I don't eat meat. I guess that's a good thing. If I did, I'd probably be eating wings every day I work, which would not be good and would totally kill #2 on my list of things to accomplish this year (see previous blog). I'm excited, though. It looks like a fun place to work, and the pace will be a lot different than here at work. I've always wanted to be a waitress, and here is my chance. I'm all about experiencing new things. Hopefully, this all goes as well as it is in my head. Knowing me and my clumsiness, it probably won't. Stay tuned for updates. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
woulda coulda shoulda
I know four people who have birthdays today. Happy birthday to these friends.
One of the people is an old college buddy. I flipped through some of his pictures, and I saw photos and photos of him and his longtime gf experiencing all kinds of new things in all sorts of new places. It made me reflect on myself and miss my old life. It made me think of him.
I know the only times I've written about him were the times I've been upset or felt alone. I try not to think about it, and I don't mean to paint him in a certain light. He really was a good guy. If he wasn't, I would've forgotten about him a long time ago. We enjoyed really good times, and we did so many things together. I feel that sharing those new experiences was what made our relationship so strong. It's tough to look at old pictures of our first trip together or our first concert together or our first anythings together. You always remember your firsts. You always remember the places you visited. You always remember the things that belonged to the both of you.
It gets easier to forget. Maybe not necessarily "forget," but easier to stow away for a while. I keep stowing away these memories in easy-to-reach places. I've never been a good hider.
When it was good, it was fantastic. We shared so many similar interests which made it easy to decide on what to try next. He knew how to always make me smile even when I was extremely upset. He kept me laughing for so long. Things were simple. Life was comforting to know I had someone by my side no matter what.
Birthdays are coming and going, and everyone has a significant other to share it with. Even if all their friends have plans and can't make it to celebrate, I know the feeling of being content with at least your boyfriend there with you. Sometimes, I used to feel that was all I needed.
That's probably the only thing I don't remember how to feel anymore.
One of the people is an old college buddy. I flipped through some of his pictures, and I saw photos and photos of him and his longtime gf experiencing all kinds of new things in all sorts of new places. It made me reflect on myself and miss my old life. It made me think of him.
I know the only times I've written about him were the times I've been upset or felt alone. I try not to think about it, and I don't mean to paint him in a certain light. He really was a good guy. If he wasn't, I would've forgotten about him a long time ago. We enjoyed really good times, and we did so many things together. I feel that sharing those new experiences was what made our relationship so strong. It's tough to look at old pictures of our first trip together or our first concert together or our first anythings together. You always remember your firsts. You always remember the places you visited. You always remember the things that belonged to the both of you.
It gets easier to forget. Maybe not necessarily "forget," but easier to stow away for a while. I keep stowing away these memories in easy-to-reach places. I've never been a good hider.
When it was good, it was fantastic. We shared so many similar interests which made it easy to decide on what to try next. He knew how to always make me smile even when I was extremely upset. He kept me laughing for so long. Things were simple. Life was comforting to know I had someone by my side no matter what.
Birthdays are coming and going, and everyone has a significant other to share it with. Even if all their friends have plans and can't make it to celebrate, I know the feeling of being content with at least your boyfriend there with you. Sometimes, I used to feel that was all I needed.
That's probably the only thing I don't remember how to feel anymore.
Monday, January 26, 2009
let's try it again
January has been a bad month for blogging it seems. It just hasn't been on my mind to blog. Nothing terribly interesting has happened yet. I celebrated my 25th. Hooray. I celebrated lots of 25ths, actually. And I celebrated a few 1st birthdays, too! Lots of January birthdays. Makes me wonder why people get so bored in April...
I wonder what JT has been up to these days? He's been pretty low key.
I've been getting nightmares recently. I haven't had once since my old apartment. Strange. I wonder what's going on in that crazy subconscious of mine. I've been staying over at the Three Stooges' place almost every day, and it's starting to get exhausting. I think for the next couple weeks, I'm going to stay at mine. I've been behind on so many things. One, I have to take down my Christmas decor (as my roommate so kindly has reminded me on the while erase board in the kitchen). Two, I have never-ending loads of laundry to conquer. Three, I need to start studying. Scratch that, number three should actually be number one on my priority list. Four, I need to start running again. The weather's getting nicer for this. I'm excited to start this back up again.
The first month of the new year is coming to a close, and in fact, today is the first day of Chinese New Year! Aka... in case you got a bad start on resolutions the first time around, here's your second chance.
I have a list of things I need/want to do this year. Please help me stay motivated to acheive it all.
1.) Study for the GMATs (I know, I know, I've been saying this forever now. Seriously this time)
2.) Run at least 3 times a week
3.) Go geocaching
4.) Build a potato gun
5.) Visit a Texas winery
6.) Plan a deep sea fishing trip
7.) Read almost every night before bedtime
8.) Fish and go camping as many times as possible
9.) Figure out if it's Houston or Austin for the next year
10.) Learn more soup recipes
11.) Learn French
12.) Save more money - this is a big one
13.) Drink less alcohol
14.) Improve my piano and guitar skills
15.) Take an informal class at UT
I think that's good for now. Maybe I'll think of more later.
Man, it's exhausting just looking at the list. Well, here goes nothing. Wish me luck.
I wonder what JT has been up to these days? He's been pretty low key.
I've been getting nightmares recently. I haven't had once since my old apartment. Strange. I wonder what's going on in that crazy subconscious of mine. I've been staying over at the Three Stooges' place almost every day, and it's starting to get exhausting. I think for the next couple weeks, I'm going to stay at mine. I've been behind on so many things. One, I have to take down my Christmas decor (as my roommate so kindly has reminded me on the while erase board in the kitchen). Two, I have never-ending loads of laundry to conquer. Three, I need to start studying. Scratch that, number three should actually be number one on my priority list. Four, I need to start running again. The weather's getting nicer for this. I'm excited to start this back up again.
The first month of the new year is coming to a close, and in fact, today is the first day of Chinese New Year! Aka... in case you got a bad start on resolutions the first time around, here's your second chance.
I have a list of things I need/want to do this year. Please help me stay motivated to acheive it all.
1.) Study for the GMATs (I know, I know, I've been saying this forever now. Seriously this time)
2.) Run at least 3 times a week
3.) Go geocaching
4.) Build a potato gun
5.) Visit a Texas winery
6.) Plan a deep sea fishing trip
7.) Read almost every night before bedtime
8.) Fish and go camping as many times as possible
9.) Figure out if it's Houston or Austin for the next year
10.) Learn more soup recipes
11.) Learn French
12.) Save more money - this is a big one
13.) Drink less alcohol
14.) Improve my piano and guitar skills
15.) Take an informal class at UT
I think that's good for now. Maybe I'll think of more later.
Man, it's exhausting just looking at the list. Well, here goes nothing. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
not again.. dear god.. not again..
Really? Really, 2009??
Why, God??? Why? Why is it every time I feel he's almost nearly out of my life, something happens to bring him back? Is it a test? Please, tell me. This is ridiculous. EVERY TIME! I'm not ready! Stop testing me!!
I met someone that I really like. And things started going well. And then things started going not so well. And before I'm even able to try to figure out why things aren't going the way I want them to, a bomb is dropped, and I'm left trying to pick up the scattered pieces that were blown up everywhere. It's not that I want him back. I don't. Not anymore. Not after everything he's put me through. But why is it that I still feel he's my foundation? That I can't accomplish anything without him? Why is it that I still feel like I need him? WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING??!??!
And why is it that when I hear his voice, everything that I've worked for, everything I've tried to run away and move on from, all of it comes crashing down right on me, as if he knows what I'm doing at every second of the day?
God, help me. Please. I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I just can't. I just can't.
"i just cant believe you're gone
still waiting for morning to come
when i see if the sun will rise
in the way that you're by my side
when we had so much in store
tell me what is it i'm reaching for
when we're through building memories
i'll hold yesterday in my heart
they can take tomorrow and the plans we made
they can take the music that we'd never play
all the broken dreams, take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we would go
all the broken dreams, take everything
just take it away, but they can never have yesterday"
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
age is just a number, mrs. robinson
Sorry, friends. I've been so bad at keeping up with blogging recently. A lot has been going on!
My birthday is coming up! Aaaah!! A quarter of a century years old. Since I turned 21, what have I been doing?!? Lots of January babies this month!
I've been having these stomach pains for the past few weeks now every time I eat. It's weird! I hate going to the doctor, and I'm just kind of waiting it out to see what happens. I've had a combo of allergies, a cold, and a fever in the last three weeks. Throw a stomach ache on top of all that, and it's nothing!
Out of concern for me, my friend decides to look up my symptoms online to try to figure out what I have. We turn to the reliable webmd.com for all those people who are either too lazy or too afraid to go to the real doctor themselves (I fall into both categories). My friend starts to fill out this form and answers all the questions needed for my profile. Sex, race, age... He clicks "18-24," looks over at me, and then says, "Oh wait, you're 25 next week." So, he changes the age range to say "25-34," and I start to flip. Holy moly. I'm not in the 18-24 age range anymore! Why would they do something like that?!? Why don't they just put the teens in one category, and the 20s in another! Is there some sort of physical change that's supposed to happen to my body between the ages of 24 and 25? I start freaking out.
Sigh.. 25. A quarter closer to a century. It sounds old, but I know I'm going to look back 5 years from now and wish I was turning 25 again. So, bask in this moment, right?
This morning, another friend of mine wrote to me, "Remember when you feel like it's going downhill after 25... it is true." Hahahaha. Whatever. He's already way at the bottom of that hill. Only a matter of time before I am, too.
Speaking of age, in terms of dating, is it more taboo for an older woman to date a younger guy or vice versa? What's more socially acceptable? Just curious.
My birthday is coming up! Aaaah!! A quarter of a century years old. Since I turned 21, what have I been doing?!? Lots of January babies this month!
I've been having these stomach pains for the past few weeks now every time I eat. It's weird! I hate going to the doctor, and I'm just kind of waiting it out to see what happens. I've had a combo of allergies, a cold, and a fever in the last three weeks. Throw a stomach ache on top of all that, and it's nothing!
Out of concern for me, my friend decides to look up my symptoms online to try to figure out what I have. We turn to the reliable webmd.com for all those people who are either too lazy or too afraid to go to the real doctor themselves (I fall into both categories). My friend starts to fill out this form and answers all the questions needed for my profile. Sex, race, age... He clicks "18-24," looks over at me, and then says, "Oh wait, you're 25 next week." So, he changes the age range to say "25-34," and I start to flip. Holy moly. I'm not in the 18-24 age range anymore! Why would they do something like that?!? Why don't they just put the teens in one category, and the 20s in another! Is there some sort of physical change that's supposed to happen to my body between the ages of 24 and 25? I start freaking out.
Sigh.. 25. A quarter closer to a century. It sounds old, but I know I'm going to look back 5 years from now and wish I was turning 25 again. So, bask in this moment, right?
This morning, another friend of mine wrote to me, "Remember when you feel like it's going downhill after 25... it is true." Hahahaha. Whatever. He's already way at the bottom of that hill. Only a matter of time before I am, too.
Speaking of age, in terms of dating, is it more taboo for an older woman to date a younger guy or vice versa? What's more socially acceptable? Just curious.
Friday, January 2, 2009
feelin' fine in 2009
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted!!! The holidays were a blur!
Quick recap:
Christmas was great! I got tons of good stuff. I got my brother a GPS system, and he got me the same thing. That was funny. Rock Band was a huge hit with the family, and lots of quality time with the family was spent. I tend to stay away from the internet world as much as I can while I'm at home. Hence, the lack of blogs in December.
New Year's was fun as well. It was pretty low-key. I cooked dinner with friends and went to the lake to watch the fireworks show. Good food, good company, good times. I'm glad it turned out this way. Usually, New Year's is a little disappointing. Okay, a lot disappointing. But, it didn't turn out so terribly this time around. Maybe it's a sign! Hopefully things start to look up!
And now, here I am! January is the official birthday month. Round one of birthdays starts on January 9 with one of my bestfriends. And don't forget mine!!!! Quarter of a century, here I come! Ugh.. hmm.. this better be a good year.
Resolutions anyone? Mine is to try not to suck so much at life this year.
I like how my goals keep getting higher and higher. haha
Quick recap:
Christmas was great! I got tons of good stuff. I got my brother a GPS system, and he got me the same thing. That was funny. Rock Band was a huge hit with the family, and lots of quality time with the family was spent. I tend to stay away from the internet world as much as I can while I'm at home. Hence, the lack of blogs in December.
New Year's was fun as well. It was pretty low-key. I cooked dinner with friends and went to the lake to watch the fireworks show. Good food, good company, good times. I'm glad it turned out this way. Usually, New Year's is a little disappointing. Okay, a lot disappointing. But, it didn't turn out so terribly this time around. Maybe it's a sign! Hopefully things start to look up!
And now, here I am! January is the official birthday month. Round one of birthdays starts on January 9 with one of my bestfriends. And don't forget mine!!!! Quarter of a century, here I come! Ugh.. hmm.. this better be a good year.
Resolutions anyone? Mine is to try not to suck so much at life this year.
I like how my goals keep getting higher and higher. haha
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