woulda coulda shoulda

I know four people who have birthdays today. Happy birthday to these friends.

One of the people is an old college buddy. I flipped through some of his pictures, and I saw photos and photos of him and his longtime gf experiencing all kinds of new things in all sorts of new places. It made me reflect on myself and miss my old life. It made me think of him.

I know the only times I've written about him were the times I've been upset or felt alone. I try not to think about it, and I don't mean to paint him in a certain light. He really was a good guy. If he wasn't, I would've forgotten about him a long time ago. We enjoyed really good times, and we did so many things together. I feel that sharing those new experiences was what made our relationship so strong. It's tough to look at old pictures of our first trip together or our first concert together or our first anythings together. You always remember your firsts. You always remember the places you visited. You always remember the things that belonged to the both of you.

It gets easier to forget. Maybe not necessarily "forget," but easier to stow away for a while. I keep stowing away these memories in easy-to-reach places. I've never been a good hider.

When it was good, it was fantastic. We shared so many similar interests which made it easy to decide on what to try next. He knew how to always make me smile even when I was extremely upset. He kept me laughing for so long. Things were simple. Life was comforting to know I had someone by my side no matter what.

Birthdays are coming and going, and everyone has a significant other to share it with. Even if all their friends have plans and can't make it to celebrate, I know the feeling of being content with at least your boyfriend there with you. Sometimes, I used to feel that was all I needed.

That's probably the only thing I don't remember how to feel anymore.