to all my ladies: a friday vent

You know what really pisses me off? Great girls. No, let me rephrase that. What pisses me off is great girls who think less of themselves because of stupid, effing guys.

I challenge you to go up to any guy and ask them what they look for in a girl. Any guy, single or not! Whether he be a doctor or a bum living at home, it doesn't matter. They're all undercover jerks anyway. So ask any guy this question, and I guarantee you his answer will not falter far from, "Smart, pretty, funny, nice, and fun to be around." *puke* And trust me on this, guys will always list "smart" first in an attempt to seem less shallow than they really are.

I can't tell you how many nights I've spent talking to various girlfriends of mine about why he didn't call back or why he doesn't like her or why it's finally over. And yet, I can't tell you how many nights I've been guilty of thinking the same things. Over what? Over some dick's approval?

Let me tell you this: all my girlfriends, every single one of them, are freaking amazing. And it breaks my heart to know that there is always one guy out there that makes them think otherwise. ALL my girlfriends are "smart, pretty, funny, nice, and extremely fun to be around." Not only that, but they have so much love to give, and they would dedicate their world to the right guy. These are quality women who have their heads on straight and their lives on track. Women who can support themselves and are ready to commit to a serious relationship. Women who know exactly what they want. Well, for the most part. So what's the problem? Where are these guys that claim to be attracted to these qualities? Oh, that's right... they're at bars getting wasted and hitting on nineteen year old girls who put out easily and probably have no effing idea what a bank statement looks like. So much for quality.

At this point, I don't even care anymore. It's pointless to care because they don't care about you. Whenever you need them, they're not there, but whenever they need you, heaven forbid you don't answer your phone!

And yet, so many tears have been wasted on these guys. Bastards. So much time and energy and sleep and phone minutes and text messages and dollars of therapy and medication and thinking and thinking and THINKING. It can drive a girl nuts. Literally.

I know more than enough guys who have wronged their girlfriends in more ways than one, broken up with them, and then continue to hang on to them. That's the messed up part. It's when they decide to hang onto us girls. And the sad thing is? We let them. We allow them to pull us back and forth into this sort of "relationship." Limbo is the worst place to be: not really in a relationship but not really out of one either. Maybe it's the companionship we're seeking? Maybe it's the comfort in knowing someone, no matter how much of a moron he is, still loves us? Confusing? Yes, trust me, it is to me, too.

The problem, I think, is that we build these guys up in our minds into this symbol of perfection and put them up on a tall pedestal to woship. And despite their flaws that we're so easily able to overlook (it must be a genetic trait), how do we only focus on their "good" side in what little amount of time we've known them? This could be a great attribute or, more likely, our Achilles' heel. You decide.

Okay, I'm jumping all over the place. It happens when I get upset. A flood of ideas and words flow through my head, and my fingers can't type fast enough to keep up.

Basically, at this moment, this is what I'm trying to say:

Girls - Stop feeling sorry for yourselves. I know it's tough when you discover that the guy you've been obsessing over doesn't like you back. I know you beat yourself up about where you went wrong or what you could've done differently. And I know you're secretly hoping that he'll realize tomorrow that he lost something really special, which I know he did. BUT, even if he does have an epiphany outside of the one that's usually just in his pants every night, don't let him get by so easily because on those nights you tossed and turned going crazy over him, where was he then? Try to remember that. On those days you waited by your phone for one call or text message, do you think he did the same for you? Think of all the empty "I love you"s and "always and forever"s. Think of the broken promises. We deserve better. We deserve the world. And we deserve to receive every bit of love that we give in return. And more. Think about the people who really care about you: your family, your close friends. Focus on your own life: your job, your career, your education. Improve yourself by trying new things: take up a new hobby, read a book, travel. My dear girlfriends, you each have so much going for you and so much to offer that, as cliche as this sounds, any guy would be crazy not to love you. Don't worry, I'm in the process of practicing saying this to myself in the mirror. I know it's not easy, but this much I know is true: I'm here for you. Always and forever. And you know as well as I do, that my promise has never wavered.

And boys - Fuck off. Assholes.