easy come, easy go

Lately, I've been having trouble thinking of topics to write about. Usually when I've written in the past, it's because I feel strongly about something. Recently, I guess I haven't really felt strongly about anything. In a way, I think that's good! I think it's progress. And I think that I've just become less stressed and less worried about things. All in all, I think I've just been happy. I haven't really let things bother me much recently, and all the "drama" and emotional stuff that happens just slides right off these days. It doesn't affect me half as much as it used to in the past. Given, I never really had to deal with all that stuff before, and once I did, I didn't know how to handle or react to it!

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't been writing a lot because I've been busy being happy. Just doing the things that are making me happy and fulfilling those goals I had written about a few posts back.

In fact, once my mindset changed and once I started doing things to make myself happy, I noticed a huge transformation in the people around me as well. I feel almost as good as I used to a couple years ago, only this time, my happiness isn't dependent on another person. Once I established this for myself, it was just as people told me. Things started to fall into place, and just when I least expected it, I met someone who has potential to be more than just a someone. If I met this person a year ago, I'd probably be crazy excited and giddy over him waiting for the minute he calls or writes. But after everything I've been through, after all the hurt, and the waiting, and the tears, I know to read the "PROCEED WITH CAUTION" sign and test the dangerous waters before I jump in head first. And let's be honest. We all know I've been known to nose-dive into some pretty shallow pools. Just imagine the head trauma I've had to go through! Maybe it's timing? Actually, a lot of it is probably timing. But if you were one of the hundreds that told me everything happens for a reason, I think I've just found my reason. My reason for going through what I did in the last two years and everything else. The difference now, though, is that if it doesn't work out, I know I'm going to be just fine afterwards. This mindset, this tiny change in thinking, surprisingly plays a huge difference. It's liberating, and it's reassuring. And in some strange way, it's comforting.

Whatever happens will happen. In any case, I'm in a good place, and I can't wait to see what's in store for me. I promise I will write again soon.

to pee or not to pee

Is it strange to go to the bathroom, sit in a stall, and talk to someone in another stall? Usually, I'd only feel comfortable doing this with a close friend. Earlier today, though, an acquaintance walked in, and while she was using the bathroom (thank goodness it was just #1), she asked me a question. I had just started doing my own business, and I quickly thought, "Do I wait until after I'm done? After I flush? No, if I wait after the flush, it's too long. What do I do, what do I do?" So I just started talking. And then I realized I had to talk louder in order for the sound to overpower the... waterfall noise. It was so weird. When I get nervous, I start to ramble, and it just turned into a really awkward bathroom experience. We got out of the stalls, and she just kept talking to me. Is this normal? I wonder if they have a book on bathroom etiquette or if you're just supposed to already know these things.

zoey

My friends went to NY this week and left little Zoey in my care. She is a tiny shihtzu dog that doesn't look far from an Ewok. I've been having so much fun with her. She is so cute. I love that she gets super excited every time I come home, and in the morning, she immediately wants to play when I wake up. I love her. I've grown quite attached to her already, and it will be difficult to let her go on Monday when my friends get back.

Having her around makes me wonder if I should get a dog myself. Probably not. Although she's a lot of fun, she's given me an idea of how much extra responsibility I'd need to have to maintain a dog. She's a lot of work! Is the companionship worth it? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it is. Despite her petite size, I feel safer when she's around. With all these crazy emails I'm receiving from my family, any dose of comfort is greatly appreciated.

It's a perfect weekend to have Zoey around. My roommate is gone, so with Zoey at home with me, I'll feel at ease. Sometimes, I question how independent I can truly be.

future sex/love cards

There's a girl at work who claims to read Tarot cards. It's a hobby, she says. I always thought of it more as a gift, a skill, that people are born with. Yes, I believe in supernatural powers. I mean, not anything extreme like flying or whatnot. But I believe in sixth senses. Or people being more in tune with a different world other than our own. I think anything is possible.

Everyone in her department made fun of her, and they all said they would never get their cards read. I just happened to be walking by (I have a gift of showing up at the wrong place at the wrong time), and they called me over. After poking fun at her and saying no one in their right mind would ever get their cards read unless they were crazy or desperate, I said, "I would." They all kind of stopped laughing and turned to me. So naturally, they challenged me. "You'd really get your future read to you? What if you found out that you're going to die tomorrow?" they asked. I just said, "Well, then I'd better do everything I want to do today." They started taunting me and saying that I was full of it. I wasn't! I just felt sorry for the girl!

Okay, normally if given the choice, I wouldn't do this. I don't know if I believe in it, but in any case, I don't really care for it. Ignorance is bliss, if you ask me. I'm not opposed to it, I just choose not to associate myself with it. I'm not superstitious. Just a little-stitious.

She got really happy and excited and said she'd bring in her cards this week. Well, she brought them today. I have my first tarot reading at 4pm. Am I excited? A little bit, I suppose. Am I scared? Hell to the yeah. I have to keep my game face on.

I wonder what kind of things she's going to say. I think I can request no bad news, right? Then again, wouldn't I want to know if something bad is going to happen to me? No, I don't think I do. But then would I be able to prevent it? Probably not. No, I shouldn't ask. Hmm.

On another note, I have an old high school friend who I've been keeping in touch with fairly closely over the years. We don't communicate on a regular basis, but when we do, it's always good conversation. He's easy to talk to, and it's always simple for us to just pick up from where we left off. Anyway, we exchanged emails earlier this week. Nothing too straying from the norm. Just catching up on the news in our lives. But then, at the end of his letter, and I had to do a double take on this small paragraph, he asked if I would be interested in being his... friend with benefits?

Now, I wasn't quite sure what this meant. I've heard the term many times since high school, and I wasn't really clear as to the definition. I thought it could range from being friends that make out, hold hands, and do all that bf/gf stuff without having the title. Meaning, messing around without strings attached. I got the second part right, but apparently, FWB involves sex. Actually, it's only sex.

How bizarre! At first, I was taken aback. And then, I was flattered. And then, I was thinking what kind of person he must think I am! And then, I actually considered it for a moment. First off, I'm not a really sexually-driven person. In fact, I was never really able to wrap my mind around how guys think about this subject all the time. Is this true? I've only heard. Though this type of thing is usually out of my normal realm of activities, I am the type, however, to definitely be open to new experiences, and this, my friends, would definitely be an interesting experience. However, after not too much thought, I knew it would be emotionally impossible for me not to get invested into a relationship with him. I ask myself, though, why I'm not able to draw the line between relationships and just pure, unadulterated, fun with no obligations? It's like asking someone, if you had to read "Jane Eyre" and write a 5 page paper about rising feminism during the Victorian era or just watch the movie, which would you do?

See, I'm the nutso who always preferred reading the books. Summer Towel told me yesterday that every scenario he's ever given me, I've always been the exception. Is this good or bad?

I wrote my friend back this morning. I must admit, it's still a bit strange to me. Why me of all people? Just because I'm single? I don't know. I never could have seen it coming. I wonder if any Tarot cards could have predicted that.

march madness

I'm on a workout craze. I've made a pact with a coworker to eat less and workout more. I've been pushing myself to the limit and overexerting my strength. I've drained a lot of energy and forced my way up inclines. It's so hard to work towards that point where you feel excited to work out. In the beginning, it's more like an obligation. It's more like a chore. A hassle. After days and days of working, I was about ready to give up. I didn't think I'd ever feel excited to work out like I did a couple years ago. But, I finally passed the hump. And boy, it feels good.

My schedule:
Monday - easy run 25 min
Tuesday - cross training, yoga
Wednesday - easy run 25 min
Thursday - running drills with trainer
Friday - rest
Saturday - long run 45-55 min
Sunday - cross fit training

The only bad thing that's come of this so far is that I have very little time for my friends nowadays. It sucks, but I guess this is my first step towards being selfish and making time for myself. I've done so many things for so many people that sometimes I wonder what's the point? My parents were right when they said, "When it all comes down to it, the only person that's going to matter is you." I wish they weren't right about this. But, everyone has their own life to worry about. This is true. I thought for a long time that I'd always have my friends no matter when I need them. I do, but nowadays, it's only when they have time. No one's fault. It's inevitable. So to pass time on my own, I resorted to running.

So, I'm sorry to those I don't have much time for anymore. I promise you're still important to me. I just really need this right now.

"Run.. running all the time.. running to the future.. with you right by my side..."

thinking out loud

Selective memory: does this exist? Can people pick and choose what they want to remember? There are so many things I wish to remember and maybe even more things I wish I didn't. I started thinking about this, and I wonder how people remember things better than others. And it's interesting how sometimes people remember things differently. Very strange.

This past weekend, the topic of wisdom teeth amongst my friends was brought up. Patty Cakes had just gotten his taken out, and this fueled the subject of the importance of these sets of teeth. SweetNSour said she read somewhere that when we were cavemen (this assumption supports the evolution theory, of course), we needed our wisdom teeth more at that time because our molars weren't enough to break down the type of food we needed to eat. They didn't have tenderizers or knives to help cut anything. As technology advances, the breakdown of food became easier, and centuries later, these wisdom teeth became nonfunctional. Since we don't need them as much (if at all), our body adapted to this change.

In fact, this concept applies to other parts of the body as well, like your muscles. It seems that as we use less of something, that part of the body becomes dispensable. If this is true, then I'm a little worried. Here's why.

Technological advances are exceeding at a rapid rate. Every month, there's a new gadget or invention that supersedes its predecessor in order to make our lives much easier. What does this mean? It means we can get more out of less work. There are jokes all the time about people wasting their lives away in front of a computer. And not just the computer! That iPhone is really changing people's lives, I hear. Between Outlook and PDAs and mini computer phones, we have no excuse to slack off, and yet, it seems like we do. These gadgets are meant to enhance our knowledge and work productivity, and somehow, it seems like they're doing the exact opposite. Obesity is increasing, and social skills are becoming less prevalent (online social networking via facebook and/or myspace, on the other hand, is skyrocketing). So I wonder, all this storage space we use to help remind us about certain events, keep our photos, manage our time, is all this helping or hurting us? As we depend more and more on electronics, we use less and less of our minds, our memory in particular.

So I wonder, as we rely our memory more on technology, is it possible for a particular part of our brain to become obsolete? Will the term "fading memory" take a literal turn? And finally, in regards to evolution, what will happen if we begin to utilize our brains significantly less than we already do? If it can happen to wisdom teeth, can't it happen to brain cells?

Time to crank up my mind exercises even more so than usual.

star-studded weekend

I started off the weekend in Dallas for Momma Mia's birthday. As expected, it was a ridiculous amount of fun. What Noslen pointed out to me, which is totally true, is that every time BHF (Big Happy Family.. the name we've given our group of friends) gets together, there's usually a theme. This is nice because it's an easy way to remember each weekend. This past weekend's theme was "studs." Someone bought a deck of provocative male playing cards, and throughout the entire night, people were getting "studded" everywhere. To be "studded" is to have a card placed onto your body and/or clothing without you noticing. It's a pretty sly maneuver and has to be handled with great care and skill.

Overall, it was a good weekend. I ended it back home watching the Oscar's with good friends and making tacos. It was fun. I love watching the red carpet.

Not the greatest entry, but that's all I have to say at the moment. I just found out that Mr. Perfect just got engaged. I have no reason to be sad because I really am happy for him. But, what is this feeling?

if you could hear me

Can you believe we're 25? Happy birthday. I still love you.

will i ever be cool?

There's a Gwen Stefani music video that really hits close to home for me. I've seen it a long time ago even when I was with him, but now that I'm not, I can relate to it much more. Every time I watch it, it still makes my heart beat a little stronger. I wonder if I'm ever going to get to this point. Will I ever be able to see him with someone else? How would he feel if I was with someone else? Who will get into another relationship first? Can I even imagine myself married without him? I don't know. I don't know if I can ever feel this way towards him. I keep saying I wish we were still close friends, but this video gives me doubts. I don't know if I could do it.

"And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool"

craig, you never cease to amaze me

I thought I knew everything about Craigslist, but apparently I don't. I've discovered a new section, and I must say, I'm obsessively addicted.

http://austin.craigslist.org/mis/

In this section, people post up instances where they meet a guy/girl in the most random places, and either as a shot in the dark or a shout into the dark, they confess their attraction, interest, or even the "L" word. It's so funny! My friend, Pete Dawgg, who's an officer in Austin, arrested someone the other day, and the girl posted an ad for him saying that she wished they had met under different circumstances because he's hot. Haha! Imagine that! His coworker found the ad, and his wife (my coworker) forwarded it to me. I was hooked. I went through and read almost all of today's. It's really entertaining.

I wonder if anyone's ever written one for me. If they did, I wonder where I was. Or who it was. Or what I was doing. I could name a couple of people I would write about. What are the odds of that someone reading it?