jerry seinfeld

I was talking to my coworker about dating, and she asked me, "What do you look for in a guy?" Aahh.. I dread that question. How does one go about answering that? It's not high school anymore where you can just list a number of good qualities and hope to find someone that remotely matches them. I'm done listing the attributes of "the perfect guy."

My answer to her was, "He just doesn't have to suck." (That's what she said.)

Anyway, it's not that my standards have dropped. In fact, I think my standards have become higher over the years, and therefore, my options seem to be more limited. Knowing this, I've forced myself to broaden my dating spectrum to counter my opinions and to try to keep those options more open.

It's kind of like grocery shopping. I love Whole Foods. The quality of their products is generally much better than the normal grocery store, but their selection is limited due to the requirements of organic products. Plus, their prices can be somewhat outrageous. Still, that's not going to stop me from shopping there. If I had the means to, I'd do all my shopping there. But even so, you'll still find me wandering down the aisles of HEB every now and then. Basically what I'm saying is, even though I know exactly what I want, I still find the need to keep my options open.

The problem is, however, that opening up the market to different "customers" also makes room for more disappointment. You let in the bad with the good, I suppose. And you know, it's totally my fault. I really do let it happen.

The thing is, these guys that I've dated aren't bad at all. I've come to accept that I'm just completely neurotic. I really am! My coworker was asking, "What happened to this guy? And what about that guy?" My answers? I don't even want to say. The most ridiculous one, though, was, "He wears those white cotton socks that aren't quite the no-show kind or the soccer kind, but they come right up between the ankle and mid-shin." Then, to ease the "are-you-serious" look on her face, I throw in, "AND they kind of scrunch up at the bottom" as if that would make her understand.

She just stared at me in amazement, shook her head, and said, "You are Jerry Seinfeld. Remember the Man Hands episode?" It was when Jerry was dating this great looking woman, but the attraction was immediately turned off as soon as he noticed her "man hands." After that, he wants to be "just friends." Of course, she gets upset and never speaks to him again.

Overall, Jerry is known for ending his relationships over "stupid reasons." It's in Wikipedia, so it has to be official. I'm Jerry Seinfeld. It can't be further from the truth. In fact, he and I have the same initials! The point is, I'm open to dating just about any guy I'm attracted to, and I always start off by looking at them through rose-colored lenses. But then, it just takes one thing. One tiny, minuscule, trivial, little thing to offset everything else. 1.) Is it my want to control everything? 2.) Maybe this is the repercussion of a bad breakup? 3.) Maybe I'm just clinically neurotic?

Geez! Look at those hands! I couldn't do it either. I don't blame the guy. For some psychotic reason, I'm hoping my inability to stay with a guy is a result of explanation #3 because then I could just take partial blame. The rest of the fault can go to my alter ego.

Oh, and by the way, I'm still reading "Breaking Dawn." It's incredible so far, but I'm taking my time to prolong this last novel of the series. I'm going to be really sad once it ends. Coming back full circle to the question "What do you look for in a guy?" My one and only answer: Edward Cullen.