Holy smokes! It's 2010 already, and I've yet to post a single thing on here. I can't believe I skipped the holidays, my birthday, and so much more! Whoops.
Gosh, so much has happened. So much time has passed since my first post on here. How am I feeling nowadays? Absolutely miserable! But in a good way! Allow me to explain.
You see, three or so years ago, I was writing about how horrible I felt. My heart was torn apart into pieces that could never get sewn back together, and I felt there was no more purpose in living. I was in a bad place, and I honestly didn't think I was ever going to get out of it. A small part of me probably didn't want to get out of it. That masochistic bit of me wanted to hang on to that heartaching feeling so that I could hang on to him. So that I could hang on to whatever bit of happiness I had with him. But then, that happiness faded away, and eventually (and I mean, a loooong time later), I was just hanging on to nothing. I was just hanging on to hang on. Yet, when I finally got the sense to look down and see what I was hanging on to, it was still difficult to let go. Why? I became so used to hanging on to nothing!! Ridiculous, isn't it? So then it took even MORE time to learn how to let go of everything. Once that happened, I was able to finally focus on my life.
And what a mess my life was... is, rather. I'm working at a dead end job that used to bring me satisfaction. Or maybe.. it was just that my life was just THAT dull that this miserable job was actually great compared to everything else? Bottom line is, I started to really focus on my job. Did I like it? No. Not at all. Then why am I still here? Again, we go back to comfort. It's what I know. It's what I'm used to. Essentially, women are always seeking comfort and security. I'd like to say "people" in general seek comfort and security, but I think men seek it in a different sense. Women want it emotionally. Men want it financially.
Anyway, I digress. By the time I stopped to think, "Wow, what do I have to show for my life?" it seemed way too late. I'm not doing what I love doing. Being where I am wasn't in my plan when I got out of college. This isn't my dream. I'm not happy doing what I'm doing because it's not self-fulfilling enough. There is no satisfaction in my job. But, it wasn't too late to change this.
After months of feeling down about work, I decided to do something about it. I'm signed up to take the GMATs in a little over a week, and I plan to apply to schools this year. In the meantime, I'm going to move back home to save a little more money, and hopefully, everything will start working out on its own. It took me this long to realize how far I've fallen off the beaten path. It's time to get back on and start running.
So you see, even though misery is still lingering in my life, it's a different kind of misery. It's one that has an expiration date because I can actually do something about it. While some people may argue that a broken heart is just as easily manageable, I disagree. Only time can tell when a broken heart can be fixed. But everything else? You can have total control.
There is a light at the end of this misery tunnel. I'm so close to reaching it. I feel the sun and its warmth. No more cold, lonely nights to keep me up. No more crying. No more self-pity. No more wondering "what if." No criticism, no distraction, no broken bone, spirit, or heart can stop me now. I am untouchable. And for once, in a very very long time, I feel so free.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, October 29, 2009
please wait
I really hate calling a company and having to wait in line to speak to the next representative. It's the worst. I do appreciate the places that give you an approximate wait time. The nice robot lady comes on the phone and says, "We appreciate your business. Please hold, and the next available agent will be right with you. Currently, the wait time is four...ty.. five minutes." You can hear her talking when you read this, can't you?
Finally, when I think it can't get any worse, someone finally picks up the line and asks how they can help you. I begin by telling them I need to make a change to something. They say sure and ask if I can hold for a minute while they look up my information. THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ME GIVING MY INFORMATION IN THE BEGINNING OF MY CALL???? As I proceed to wait... the elevator music that I've been listening to for the past "four.. ty.. five minutes" starts up again.. and then all of a sudden, I hear the line ringing once more. "Thank you for calling, this is Mike, how can I help you?" WTF IS THIS??!?? So I say, "Umm.. I was just talking to someone and she put me on hold.. I don't know.. is there a reason she transferred my call?" He says in his middle eastern accent, "Uhh.. no ma'am. I do not know what you are talking about. My phone just ring, and I pick up. I do not know. Can I get your information please?"
It's just the worst. I hate calling in for support for whatever the reason. It's not customer support at all. It's customer stress!! It's... what can we do to make our customers never call in to complain? I hate it. And when the person is rude to you like you're wasting THEIR time when at least they're getting paid to wait.. it makes me even more upset because the truth is, they can be rude all they want. You're the one needing their help. Ugh. I hate it.
One time, I called in, and some lady told me I needed to be transferred to a different department. This was after I had waited on the line for nearly an hour. I said fine - I had no choice, really. So she transferred me to a help line for deaf people! I was thinking, "Now what did I ever do to this lady?" I had to hang up and call back. I was hoping and praying I'd get her on the line again, but it was a guy the second time around. I was so pissed.
Everyone hates telemarketers, so why do they exist? Really, why? Sometimes, it's kind of scary to get these calls. You never know who it is. There is a slight pause on the line, some static, and then a "Can I speak to the head of the household?" *shivers* Do companies actually make any money from these tactics? Is there really a profit? I propose to make this world a better place by getting rid of this job position completely.
Jerry Seinfeld had an episode when one of these telemarketers called his apartment. He picks up and tells the guy he can take his home number and call him back when he has time. Then he says, "Oh? Why not? You don't want me to call you at home? Well, now you know how I feel." One day, I've been waiting for the day to use this line.
Finally, when I think it can't get any worse, someone finally picks up the line and asks how they can help you. I begin by telling them I need to make a change to something. They say sure and ask if I can hold for a minute while they look up my information. THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ME GIVING MY INFORMATION IN THE BEGINNING OF MY CALL???? As I proceed to wait... the elevator music that I've been listening to for the past "four.. ty.. five minutes" starts up again.. and then all of a sudden, I hear the line ringing once more. "Thank you for calling, this is Mike, how can I help you?" WTF IS THIS??!?? So I say, "Umm.. I was just talking to someone and she put me on hold.. I don't know.. is there a reason she transferred my call?" He says in his middle eastern accent, "Uhh.. no ma'am. I do not know what you are talking about. My phone just ring, and I pick up. I do not know. Can I get your information please?"
It's just the worst. I hate calling in for support for whatever the reason. It's not customer support at all. It's customer stress!! It's... what can we do to make our customers never call in to complain? I hate it. And when the person is rude to you like you're wasting THEIR time when at least they're getting paid to wait.. it makes me even more upset because the truth is, they can be rude all they want. You're the one needing their help. Ugh. I hate it.
One time, I called in, and some lady told me I needed to be transferred to a different department. This was after I had waited on the line for nearly an hour. I said fine - I had no choice, really. So she transferred me to a help line for deaf people! I was thinking, "Now what did I ever do to this lady?" I had to hang up and call back. I was hoping and praying I'd get her on the line again, but it was a guy the second time around. I was so pissed.
Everyone hates telemarketers, so why do they exist? Really, why? Sometimes, it's kind of scary to get these calls. You never know who it is. There is a slight pause on the line, some static, and then a "Can I speak to the head of the household?" *shivers* Do companies actually make any money from these tactics? Is there really a profit? I propose to make this world a better place by getting rid of this job position completely.
Jerry Seinfeld had an episode when one of these telemarketers called his apartment. He picks up and tells the guy he can take his home number and call him back when he has time. Then he says, "Oh? Why not? You don't want me to call you at home? Well, now you know how I feel." One day, I've been waiting for the day to use this line.
Friday, September 4, 2009
time after bloody time
Purple told me today, "You know how when people break up and they tell you that you just need more time? Well, I think you've had enough time already."
How much is enough? Is enough enough? I wish there was some kind of relationship calculator that I can punch in the dates to give me how much time is needed to "get over" someone.
(Amount of time together) x (# of times you said I Love You) = time needed to get over it
(Amount of time dating) _ _(# of times/lies he said I Love You)
Don't forget to make sure the unit of time is consistent.
How much is enough? Is enough enough? I wish there was some kind of relationship calculator that I can punch in the dates to give me how much time is needed to "get over" someone.
(Amount of time together) x (# of times you said I Love You) = time needed to get over it
(Amount of time dating) _ _(# of times/lies he said I Love You)
Don't forget to make sure the unit of time is consistent.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
well well well... if it isn't...
Oh wait.. it's me. I'm sorry, everyone. I know it's been a while, but I'm back. Where and why I've gone so long? I don't know if I have it in me to explain. Just know that I'm sorry for the extended absence, and I will try not to let it happen again. If it's any consolation at all, I've very much missed you too.
So many things have happened, and at the same time, not much has happened at all. When was the last time I wrote? GEEZ... APRIL??!?!! If you're still reading this, you're my new bestfriend.
Updates from my January 26 entry:
1.) Study for the GMATs (I know, I know, I've been saying this forever now. Seriously this time) - check! erase... check! erase... slooowly checking again...
2.) Run at least 3 times a week - check! i was doing this for a long time. i've only stopped for the last month and a half now.. but i'm starting up again... this one wasn't so hard
3.) Go geocaching - pending
4.) Build a potato gun - pending
5.) Visit a Texas winery - check and check!
6.) Plan a deep sea fishing trip - check!
7.) Read almost every night before bedtime - sort of checking!
8.) Fish and go camping as many times as possible - didn't happen. try again in the fall
9.) Figure out if it's Houston or Austin for the next year - check! Austin wins!
10.) Learn more soup recipes - too hot for soup right now
11.) Learn French - no, but my Vietnamese is improving!
12.) Save more money - this is a big one - EPIC FAIL
13.) Drink less alcohol - check! very proud of this one
14.) Improve my piano and guitar skills - i need a new guitar
15.) Take an informal class at UT - not yet
Not too bad, I don't think! :) Obviously, the expectations I've set for myself are not that high.
Ok what else... so let's see. I've moved apartments... again... and I'm now living with Nurse. She's a doll. I love her very much. The apartment is great except for our elephant neighbors upstairs. I've gotten accustomed to the stomping, and it's only when people say, "Is that thunder outside?" that I realize they're being loud again. Maybe we deserve it since we called the fire department on them the first weekend we moved in because we smelled smoke in our apartment. But seriously, who turns on their fireplace in the middle of July? In TEXAS?!? Crazy bastards.
Saying the word "bastards" makes me want to speak in an English accent. That's my new thing these days. I don't know why. But even as I'm typing, I'm saying these words with an accent in my head. Don't deny it. I know you're doing it too now. It's bloody addicting, isn't it? I can't stop! I went to Austin Park n Pizza the other day and spoke with a British accent nearly the entire time. A girl came up to me and said, "I love your accent! Where are you from?" Caught off guard and slightly embarrassed (only slightly), I told her, "Ooohhh, I'm from London! Well, I'm from a lovely little town outside called.. uhh... Notting Hill! Have you heard of it?" I was probably red in the face, but sometimes, you just get so caught up in something so stupid, that it'd be even more stupid to try to turn back around. Luckily, she bought it. Unluckily, she kept talking to me. I made up some dumb story to excuse myself.
Gosh, I'm so lame. See? Some things never change. It's good to have you back, friends! Even more so, it's good to be back! Stay tuned!
So many things have happened, and at the same time, not much has happened at all. When was the last time I wrote? GEEZ... APRIL??!?!! If you're still reading this, you're my new bestfriend.
Updates from my January 26 entry:
1.) Study for the GMATs (I know, I know, I've been saying this forever now. Seriously this time) - check! erase... check! erase... slooowly checking again...
2.) Run at least 3 times a week - check! i was doing this for a long time. i've only stopped for the last month and a half now.. but i'm starting up again... this one wasn't so hard
3.) Go geocaching - pending
4.) Build a potato gun - pending
5.) Visit a Texas winery - check and check!
6.) Plan a deep sea fishing trip - check!
7.) Read almost every night before bedtime - sort of checking!
8.) Fish and go camping as many times as possible - didn't happen. try again in the fall
9.) Figure out if it's Houston or Austin for the next year - check! Austin wins!
10.) Learn more soup recipes - too hot for soup right now
11.) Learn French - no, but my Vietnamese is improving!
12.) Save more money - this is a big one - EPIC FAIL
13.) Drink less alcohol - check! very proud of this one
14.) Improve my piano and guitar skills - i need a new guitar
15.) Take an informal class at UT - not yet
Not too bad, I don't think! :) Obviously, the expectations I've set for myself are not that high.
Ok what else... so let's see. I've moved apartments... again... and I'm now living with Nurse. She's a doll. I love her very much. The apartment is great except for our elephant neighbors upstairs. I've gotten accustomed to the stomping, and it's only when people say, "Is that thunder outside?" that I realize they're being loud again. Maybe we deserve it since we called the fire department on them the first weekend we moved in because we smelled smoke in our apartment. But seriously, who turns on their fireplace in the middle of July? In TEXAS?!? Crazy bastards.
Saying the word "bastards" makes me want to speak in an English accent. That's my new thing these days. I don't know why. But even as I'm typing, I'm saying these words with an accent in my head. Don't deny it. I know you're doing it too now. It's bloody addicting, isn't it? I can't stop! I went to Austin Park n Pizza the other day and spoke with a British accent nearly the entire time. A girl came up to me and said, "I love your accent! Where are you from?" Caught off guard and slightly embarrassed (only slightly), I told her, "Ooohhh, I'm from London! Well, I'm from a lovely little town outside called.. uhh... Notting Hill! Have you heard of it?" I was probably red in the face, but sometimes, you just get so caught up in something so stupid, that it'd be even more stupid to try to turn back around. Luckily, she bought it. Unluckily, she kept talking to me. I made up some dumb story to excuse myself.
Gosh, I'm so lame. See? Some things never change. It's good to have you back, friends! Even more so, it's good to be back! Stay tuned!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
is this a scam???
I just got this email.
Twilight movie is now casting
From:
www.talenthunter.com (notify@talenthunter.com)
Sent:
Tue 4/07/09 9:44 PM
To:
Hello, jas119
We are glad to inform you that member hjcasting sends you a message!
Username: hjcasting
Profile Type: Industry Professional
City/State: Hollywood, CA
View Profile: http://talenthunter.com/hjcasting
Message:
I would like to inform you that you match the criteria to be a movie extra for the new Twilight movie. Twilight is now casting Austin Talent for this nationwide casting. I took a look at your profile and I think you would be a great match for this project. This is a great opportunity whether you are a fan or just want to get some experience for your resume. The best thing about this particular casting is that there is no experience needed and you already match the criteria for submission. Please contact me so I can help with your submission for this project. I will be here every step of the way to make sure that you get the help and support you need to give you the best shot at actually landing this gig. I look forward to working with you and await your response.
So, is this a scam? In order for me to respond to him, I have to upgrade my account with TalentHunter by paying $3. Is it worth paying that much to find out if it's a scam or not? Ahhh.. I don't know what to do! Help!!
Twilight movie is now casting
From:
www.talenthunter.com (notify@talenthunter.com)
Sent:
Tue 4/07/09 9:44 PM
To:
Hello, jas119
We are glad to inform you that member hjcasting sends you a message!
Username: hjcasting
Profile Type: Industry Professional
City/State: Hollywood, CA
View Profile: http://talenthunter.com/hjcasting
Message:
I would like to inform you that you match the criteria to be a movie extra for the new Twilight movie. Twilight is now casting Austin Talent for this nationwide casting. I took a look at your profile and I think you would be a great match for this project. This is a great opportunity whether you are a fan or just want to get some experience for your resume. The best thing about this particular casting is that there is no experience needed and you already match the criteria for submission. Please contact me so I can help with your submission for this project. I will be here every step of the way to make sure that you get the help and support you need to give you the best shot at actually landing this gig. I look forward to working with you and await your response.
So, is this a scam? In order for me to respond to him, I have to upgrade my account with TalentHunter by paying $3. Is it worth paying that much to find out if it's a scam or not? Ahhh.. I don't know what to do! Help!!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
easy come, easy go
Lately, I've been having trouble thinking of topics to write about. Usually when I've written in the past, it's because I feel strongly about something. Recently, I guess I haven't really felt strongly about anything. In a way, I think that's good! I think it's progress. And I think that I've just become less stressed and less worried about things. All in all, I think I've just been happy. I haven't really let things bother me much recently, and all the "drama" and emotional stuff that happens just slides right off these days. It doesn't affect me half as much as it used to in the past. Given, I never really had to deal with all that stuff before, and once I did, I didn't know how to handle or react to it!
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't been writing a lot because I've been busy being happy. Just doing the things that are making me happy and fulfilling those goals I had written about a few posts back.
In fact, once my mindset changed and once I started doing things to make myself happy, I noticed a huge transformation in the people around me as well. I feel almost as good as I used to a couple years ago, only this time, my happiness isn't dependent on another person. Once I established this for myself, it was just as people told me. Things started to fall into place, and just when I least expected it, I met someone who has potential to be more than just a someone. If I met this person a year ago, I'd probably be crazy excited and giddy over him waiting for the minute he calls or writes. But after everything I've been through, after all the hurt, and the waiting, and the tears, I know to read the "PROCEED WITH CAUTION" sign and test the dangerous waters before I jump in head first. And let's be honest. We all know I've been known to nose-dive into some pretty shallow pools. Just imagine the head trauma I've had to go through! Maybe it's timing? Actually, a lot of it is probably timing. But if you were one of the hundreds that told me everything happens for a reason, I think I've just found my reason. My reason for going through what I did in the last two years and everything else. The difference now, though, is that if it doesn't work out, I know I'm going to be just fine afterwards. This mindset, this tiny change in thinking, surprisingly plays a huge difference. It's liberating, and it's reassuring. And in some strange way, it's comforting.
Whatever happens will happen. In any case, I'm in a good place, and I can't wait to see what's in store for me. I promise I will write again soon.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I haven't been writing a lot because I've been busy being happy. Just doing the things that are making me happy and fulfilling those goals I had written about a few posts back.
In fact, once my mindset changed and once I started doing things to make myself happy, I noticed a huge transformation in the people around me as well. I feel almost as good as I used to a couple years ago, only this time, my happiness isn't dependent on another person. Once I established this for myself, it was just as people told me. Things started to fall into place, and just when I least expected it, I met someone who has potential to be more than just a someone. If I met this person a year ago, I'd probably be crazy excited and giddy over him waiting for the minute he calls or writes. But after everything I've been through, after all the hurt, and the waiting, and the tears, I know to read the "PROCEED WITH CAUTION" sign and test the dangerous waters before I jump in head first. And let's be honest. We all know I've been known to nose-dive into some pretty shallow pools. Just imagine the head trauma I've had to go through! Maybe it's timing? Actually, a lot of it is probably timing. But if you were one of the hundreds that told me everything happens for a reason, I think I've just found my reason. My reason for going through what I did in the last two years and everything else. The difference now, though, is that if it doesn't work out, I know I'm going to be just fine afterwards. This mindset, this tiny change in thinking, surprisingly plays a huge difference. It's liberating, and it's reassuring. And in some strange way, it's comforting.
Whatever happens will happen. In any case, I'm in a good place, and I can't wait to see what's in store for me. I promise I will write again soon.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
to pee or not to pee
Is it strange to go to the bathroom, sit in a stall, and talk to someone in another stall? Usually, I'd only feel comfortable doing this with a close friend. Earlier today, though, an acquaintance walked in, and while she was using the bathroom (thank goodness it was just #1), she asked me a question. I had just started doing my own business, and I quickly thought, "Do I wait until after I'm done? After I flush? No, if I wait after the flush, it's too long. What do I do, what do I do?" So I just started talking. And then I realized I had to talk louder in order for the sound to overpower the... waterfall noise. It was so weird. When I get nervous, I start to ramble, and it just turned into a really awkward bathroom experience. We got out of the stalls, and she just kept talking to me. Is this normal? I wonder if they have a book on bathroom etiquette or if you're just supposed to already know these things.
Friday, March 6, 2009
zoey
My friends went to NY this week and left little Zoey in my care. She is a tiny shihtzu dog that doesn't look far from an Ewok. I've been having so much fun with her. She is so cute. I love that she gets super excited every time I come home, and in the morning, she immediately wants to play when I wake up. I love her. I've grown quite attached to her already, and it will be difficult to let her go on Monday when my friends get back.
Having her around makes me wonder if I should get a dog myself. Probably not. Although she's a lot of fun, she's given me an idea of how much extra responsibility I'd need to have to maintain a dog. She's a lot of work! Is the companionship worth it? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it is. Despite her petite size, I feel safer when she's around. With all these crazy emails I'm receiving from my family, any dose of comfort is greatly appreciated.
It's a perfect weekend to have Zoey around. My roommate is gone, so with Zoey at home with me, I'll feel at ease. Sometimes, I question how independent I can truly be.
Having her around makes me wonder if I should get a dog myself. Probably not. Although she's a lot of fun, she's given me an idea of how much extra responsibility I'd need to have to maintain a dog. She's a lot of work! Is the companionship worth it? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it is. Despite her petite size, I feel safer when she's around. With all these crazy emails I'm receiving from my family, any dose of comfort is greatly appreciated.
It's a perfect weekend to have Zoey around. My roommate is gone, so with Zoey at home with me, I'll feel at ease. Sometimes, I question how independent I can truly be.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
future sex/love cards
There's a girl at work who claims to read Tarot cards. It's a hobby, she says. I always thought of it more as a gift, a skill, that people are born with. Yes, I believe in supernatural powers. I mean, not anything extreme like flying or whatnot. But I believe in sixth senses. Or people being more in tune with a different world other than our own. I think anything is possible.
Everyone in her department made fun of her, and they all said they would never get their cards read. I just happened to be walking by (I have a gift of showing up at the wrong place at the wrong time), and they called me over. After poking fun at her and saying no one in their right mind would ever get their cards read unless they were crazy or desperate, I said, "I would." They all kind of stopped laughing and turned to me. So naturally, they challenged me. "You'd really get your future read to you? What if you found out that you're going to die tomorrow?" they asked. I just said, "Well, then I'd better do everything I want to do today." They started taunting me and saying that I was full of it. I wasn't! I just felt sorry for the girl!
Okay, normally if given the choice, I wouldn't do this. I don't know if I believe in it, but in any case, I don't really care for it. Ignorance is bliss, if you ask me. I'm not opposed to it, I just choose not to associate myself with it. I'm not superstitious. Just a little-stitious.
She got really happy and excited and said she'd bring in her cards this week. Well, she brought them today. I have my first tarot reading at 4pm. Am I excited? A little bit, I suppose. Am I scared? Hell to the yeah. I have to keep my game face on.
I wonder what kind of things she's going to say. I think I can request no bad news, right? Then again, wouldn't I want to know if something bad is going to happen to me? No, I don't think I do. But then would I be able to prevent it? Probably not. No, I shouldn't ask. Hmm.
On another note, I have an old high school friend who I've been keeping in touch with fairly closely over the years. We don't communicate on a regular basis, but when we do, it's always good conversation. He's easy to talk to, and it's always simple for us to just pick up from where we left off. Anyway, we exchanged emails earlier this week. Nothing too straying from the norm. Just catching up on the news in our lives. But then, at the end of his letter, and I had to do a double take on this small paragraph, he asked if I would be interested in being his... friend with benefits?
Now, I wasn't quite sure what this meant. I've heard the term many times since high school, and I wasn't really clear as to the definition. I thought it could range from being friends that make out, hold hands, and do all that bf/gf stuff without having the title. Meaning, messing around without strings attached. I got the second part right, but apparently, FWB involves sex. Actually, it's only sex.
How bizarre! At first, I was taken aback. And then, I was flattered. And then, I was thinking what kind of person he must think I am! And then, I actually considered it for a moment. First off, I'm not a really sexually-driven person. In fact, I was never really able to wrap my mind around how guys think about this subject all the time. Is this true? I've only heard. Though this type of thing is usually out of my normal realm of activities, I am the type, however, to definitely be open to new experiences, and this, my friends, would definitely be an interesting experience. However, after not too much thought, I knew it would be emotionally impossible for me not to get invested into a relationship with him. I ask myself, though, why I'm not able to draw the line between relationships and just pure, unadulterated, fun with no obligations? It's like asking someone, if you had to read "Jane Eyre" and write a 5 page paper about rising feminism during the Victorian era or just watch the movie, which would you do?
See, I'm the nutso who always preferred reading the books. Summer Towel told me yesterday that every scenario he's ever given me, I've always been the exception. Is this good or bad?
I wrote my friend back this morning. I must admit, it's still a bit strange to me. Why me of all people? Just because I'm single? I don't know. I never could have seen it coming. I wonder if any Tarot cards could have predicted that.
Everyone in her department made fun of her, and they all said they would never get their cards read. I just happened to be walking by (I have a gift of showing up at the wrong place at the wrong time), and they called me over. After poking fun at her and saying no one in their right mind would ever get their cards read unless they were crazy or desperate, I said, "I would." They all kind of stopped laughing and turned to me. So naturally, they challenged me. "You'd really get your future read to you? What if you found out that you're going to die tomorrow?" they asked. I just said, "Well, then I'd better do everything I want to do today." They started taunting me and saying that I was full of it. I wasn't! I just felt sorry for the girl!
Okay, normally if given the choice, I wouldn't do this. I don't know if I believe in it, but in any case, I don't really care for it. Ignorance is bliss, if you ask me. I'm not opposed to it, I just choose not to associate myself with it. I'm not superstitious. Just a little-stitious.
She got really happy and excited and said she'd bring in her cards this week. Well, she brought them today. I have my first tarot reading at 4pm. Am I excited? A little bit, I suppose. Am I scared? Hell to the yeah. I have to keep my game face on.
I wonder what kind of things she's going to say. I think I can request no bad news, right? Then again, wouldn't I want to know if something bad is going to happen to me? No, I don't think I do. But then would I be able to prevent it? Probably not. No, I shouldn't ask. Hmm.
On another note, I have an old high school friend who I've been keeping in touch with fairly closely over the years. We don't communicate on a regular basis, but when we do, it's always good conversation. He's easy to talk to, and it's always simple for us to just pick up from where we left off. Anyway, we exchanged emails earlier this week. Nothing too straying from the norm. Just catching up on the news in our lives. But then, at the end of his letter, and I had to do a double take on this small paragraph, he asked if I would be interested in being his... friend with benefits?
Now, I wasn't quite sure what this meant. I've heard the term many times since high school, and I wasn't really clear as to the definition. I thought it could range from being friends that make out, hold hands, and do all that bf/gf stuff without having the title. Meaning, messing around without strings attached. I got the second part right, but apparently, FWB involves sex. Actually, it's only sex.
How bizarre! At first, I was taken aback. And then, I was flattered. And then, I was thinking what kind of person he must think I am! And then, I actually considered it for a moment. First off, I'm not a really sexually-driven person. In fact, I was never really able to wrap my mind around how guys think about this subject all the time. Is this true? I've only heard. Though this type of thing is usually out of my normal realm of activities, I am the type, however, to definitely be open to new experiences, and this, my friends, would definitely be an interesting experience. However, after not too much thought, I knew it would be emotionally impossible for me not to get invested into a relationship with him. I ask myself, though, why I'm not able to draw the line between relationships and just pure, unadulterated, fun with no obligations? It's like asking someone, if you had to read "Jane Eyre" and write a 5 page paper about rising feminism during the Victorian era or just watch the movie, which would you do?
See, I'm the nutso who always preferred reading the books. Summer Towel told me yesterday that every scenario he's ever given me, I've always been the exception. Is this good or bad?
I wrote my friend back this morning. I must admit, it's still a bit strange to me. Why me of all people? Just because I'm single? I don't know. I never could have seen it coming. I wonder if any Tarot cards could have predicted that.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
march madness
I'm on a workout craze. I've made a pact with a coworker to eat less and workout more. I've been pushing myself to the limit and overexerting my strength. I've drained a lot of energy and forced my way up inclines. It's so hard to work towards that point where you feel excited to work out. In the beginning, it's more like an obligation. It's more like a chore. A hassle. After days and days of working, I was about ready to give up. I didn't think I'd ever feel excited to work out like I did a couple years ago. But, I finally passed the hump. And boy, it feels good.
My schedule:
Monday - easy run 25 min
Tuesday - cross training, yoga
Wednesday - easy run 25 min
Thursday - running drills with trainer
Friday - rest
Saturday - long run 45-55 min
Sunday - cross fit training
The only bad thing that's come of this so far is that I have very little time for my friends nowadays. It sucks, but I guess this is my first step towards being selfish and making time for myself. I've done so many things for so many people that sometimes I wonder what's the point? My parents were right when they said, "When it all comes down to it, the only person that's going to matter is you." I wish they weren't right about this. But, everyone has their own life to worry about. This is true. I thought for a long time that I'd always have my friends no matter when I need them. I do, but nowadays, it's only when they have time. No one's fault. It's inevitable. So to pass time on my own, I resorted to running.
So, I'm sorry to those I don't have much time for anymore. I promise you're still important to me. I just really need this right now.
"Run.. running all the time.. running to the future.. with you right by my side..."
My schedule:
Monday - easy run 25 min
Tuesday - cross training, yoga
Wednesday - easy run 25 min
Thursday - running drills with trainer
Friday - rest
Saturday - long run 45-55 min
Sunday - cross fit training
The only bad thing that's come of this so far is that I have very little time for my friends nowadays. It sucks, but I guess this is my first step towards being selfish and making time for myself. I've done so many things for so many people that sometimes I wonder what's the point? My parents were right when they said, "When it all comes down to it, the only person that's going to matter is you." I wish they weren't right about this. But, everyone has their own life to worry about. This is true. I thought for a long time that I'd always have my friends no matter when I need them. I do, but nowadays, it's only when they have time. No one's fault. It's inevitable. So to pass time on my own, I resorted to running.
So, I'm sorry to those I don't have much time for anymore. I promise you're still important to me. I just really need this right now.
"Run.. running all the time.. running to the future.. with you right by my side..."
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